The Sound of Silence

I am in an enforced, prolonged and painful period of silence. I have not preached for nearly a year, am unable to use the computer for more than about 20 minutes at a time - hence no blogs recently - and have no writing projects on the go at the moment, which is just as well, as I would be too weak and in too much pain to pursue them.

The amount of drugs needed to control my illness and manage the pain means that even my praying has taken on a new, and almost child-like complexion. I tend to 'hang around' with God rather than talk, and occasionally cry out for His mercy and a drop of relief.

The sound of silence is awe inspiring, deep with heart-hearing rhythm and womb-like feelings of getting ready for something big! And surely this 'birth' must be imminent? Can the soul bear so much travail and not bring to birth? I insist that this period must produce something in the end, even it is only the relief from pain that heaven offers.

And so - no strength left to blog. Just silence. And a God who vacated the howling wind and missed the earthquake, but showed Himself by a 'still, small voice'.

Can you hear it?

Keeping the Faith

Two young women stand condemned before a court of law charged with 'apostasy' because of their faith in Christ. If found guilty the pair are facing the death penalty. Here's an account of their plight from Elam Ministries (http://www.elam.com/) 'In a dramatic session before the revolutionary court on Sunday August 9th in Tehran, Maryam Rustampoor (27) and Marzieh Amirizadeh (30) were told to recant their faith in Christ. Though great pressure was put on them, both women declared that they would not deny their faith. Maryam and Marzieh were originally arrested on March 5th , 2009 and have suffered greatly while in prison, suffering ill health, solitary confinement and interrogations for many hours while blindfolded.

On Saturday August 8, Maryam and Marzieh were summoned to appear in court on Sunday August 9 in order to hear a verdict on their case. The chief interrogator had recommended a verdict of ‘apostasy.’ However, when they arrived, no verdict was actually given. Instead, the court session focussed on the deputy prosecutor, Mr Haddad, questioning Maryam and Marzieh about their faith and telling them that they had to recant in both verbal and written form. This made it clear that in the eyes of the court, Maryam and Marzieh’s only crime is that they have converted to Christianity.' The report goes on to quote the direct appeal by Mr Hadad to the women in the courtroom, calling on them to recant their faith. They stood firm and replied, “We will not deny our faith.”

Please pray for them as they face the very real possibility of being executed or perhaps jailed for a very long time because of their faith. That's what I call 'keeping the faith'.

Mind you, there are other circumstances where we are charged with keeping the faith, that do not include a sharia courtroom. Some may face endless battles with serious ill health, or the constant terrors of the night caused by mental and also physical disease. Others feel the sting right now of bitter betrayal or family break-up, or just the pressure of going God's way rather than our own. When the years of agony roll on, as they have done in my own case for more than 13 years, will we deny our faith, or recant?

When Jesus asked his twelve disciples if they, like others, would jettison their faith and turn back from following him, Simon Peter replied 'Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confidant that you are the Holy One of God'. (John 6:68)

Have we? (made that commitment?) If so it will be tested. Some may have the faith for miracles and be delivered, but it takes a precious, ultra-refined, covenant keeping love to 'keep the faith' when the price and the disappointments are piled high.

Let's pray for each other that we will keep the faith. After all, if you and I were to stand in the dock charged with being a disciple of Christ, would there be enough evidence to convict us? With Maryam and Marziah the answer is in the court record: 'Guilty as Charged!'

How about you?

'Abba, - Daddy!!'

'If you took the love of all the best mothers and fathers who have ever lived in the course of human history,all their goodness, kindness, patience, fidelity, wisdom, tenderness, strength, and love and united all those qualities in a single person, that person's love would only be a faint shadow of the furious love and mercy in the heart of God the Father addressed to you and me at this moment.'

That phrase, taken from Brennan Manning's wonderful book 'The Furious Love of God our Father' (David C Cook, Grand Rapids, 2009) moves me to tears. It challenges the deepest depths of my frustration with God's will for my life, and stands as a statement of faith that kept Jesus going right up to the cross (Luke 22:42). Today, I commit myself to believe it and to accept it, despite having pain that I would not want my dog to endure, fear of a forthcoming physical assault via surgery, and the loneliness and discomfort of constant hospital admissions.

Today, like Jesus, I look up and cry 'Abba - Daddy! If you are willing, please take this cup of suffering from me; yet not my will but yours be done'.

Of Frying Pan and Fires!

It has been quite some time since I blogged but a lot has been happening while I have been silent. I spent a few days as an inpatient at the UCLH hospital in London, and then another few days at the PEH hospital in Guernsey. In between those visits I have tried several times to blog, but have never got far enough before strength failed me and pain dictated a prone body position.

During the last few days we have sizzled in 33C temperatures back in central London to meet with our surgeon there. It was on the hottest day of the year so far, and in a baking hot consulting room, that we heard that the outcome of all this will be a major operation in London on the 24th July. We were quiet on the train back to the airport. Neither of us wanted to say the words that burned to be expressed, or to weep the tears that would have dried instantly even if they did begin, in that rattly old train full of sweat, rubbish, commuters and swine flu!

As the blazingly obvious begins to take hold, Diane and I have been aware that God is speaking to us. 'Did not our hearts burn within us as He spoke with us on the way?' Firstly we have been so helped by the prayers and intercession of the believers back home in Guernsey and those of you who support us around the world. Then God took me to a phrase in Jeremiah 1:12 'for I am watching over my word to perform it." Among the many precious words and promises we have received over the last 13 years of this struggle, one has stood out - 1 Peter 5:10! 'After you have suffered a little while, our God... He personally will come and pick you up... and make you stronger than ever!

Phew! Though medically speaking I am facing a long and uphill struggle, it is not down to me to fulfil God 's promises. He is watching over his word to fulfil it.

If you are burning under the blazing attacks of the devil's arrows of fire, then take heart. God is still on watch for you to see that His promises prevail.

We are So Much More!

The knowledge of our true identity is a vital key to getting through the tough times in life. From a faith perspective it is important for Christians to remind themselves often of who they are in Christ. Our identity is not just what our parents, our education or our training have made us. We have a much higher and more significant identity than that.

Knowing who we are in Him makes a very real difference to our attitude towards the circumstances through which we are passing. Revelation 1:5 & 6 offers a wonderful benediction: ‘To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.’ It says that God loves us and that he has made a kingdom and priests to serve him. That means we are not just a number in a hospital, school or anywhere else. We have royal blood in us! We are princes and princesses in the kingdom of heaven! When you accepted Jesus, He accepted you and put a royal robe around your shoulders. You have a throne beside his. You are seated with him in heavenly places, (Ephesians 2:6).

When we pass through hard times the pressure can force us to forget all this. We feel wretched, small and insignificant. Our future may be befogged by fear, while present problems loom large through the murk. What we need is a magic mirror - like the one above! God's Word, the Bible is just such a mirror. We look into it and see the state of our hearts, but we also see the greatness of what God has made us in Christ! Hold on to that when the going gets hard.(I have written much more about this in my book Storm Force: winning the battle for the mind which you can obtain by clicking on the left)

Inside every pussy cat there is a lion waiting to be set free!

Update on Opdate

We have returned to Guernsey after two more trips to the University College Hospital in London and are now booked to have major corrective surgery there on 10th July (provisionally).

This is a tough time for us both because we have been through similar surgery before in 2005 at the old Middlesex Hospital and we know what is involved. It will be hard for me to face going down the steep valley of a big operation once again, but it will also be tough on Diane staying in a hotel in central London for the duration. At least we know the area well after more than 50 visits there for treatment in the last five years, and we know that a lot of you will be praying for us at that time and before.

Speaking of prayer, there are a few practical requests for prayer at this point. Please pray:

• for pain to come under control (the recent celiac plexus block has not worked)
• that I will not have any of the serious attacks of cholangitis prior to surgery
• that the op will not spark off another acute attack of pancreatitis
• that the surgery will go ahead on the due date or before
• that the surgery will be successful
• that God will provide the place for Diane to stay and the needed resources
• that we will both keep the faith and dignify the trial by trusting God throughout.

It's great to be linked with you through the amazing network of the Web and to know that we are not alone in this ongoing nightmare. Sometimes people ask me how I go on being a Christian when so much trouble has come our way. The only answer I have for them is the words of St Peter 'where else can we turn Lord, You alone have the words of eternal life'.

If you have not yet read either of my books, 'Braving the Storm: survival tactics' or 'Storm Force: winning the battle for the mind' then click on the links to the left and get hold of a copy today.

A step beyond thanksgiving

This time of the year is breathtakingly beautiful in Guernsey. Diane and I wander around the tiny lanes with eyes agog at the handiwork of our glorious creator God. The hedgerows are alive with colour, and the gorse is not only a blaze of burnished yellow, it's fragrance fills us with nostalgic impressions and heady remembrances of our youth in this lovely island.

For a Christian the effect is immediate. 'Wow, look what God has done! Praise Him!' That may not be the same for everyone, but most of us feel some sort of stirring in our hearts in the great outdoors.

But there is a step beyond that in my heart at the moment. In our church last Sunday we were looking together at the Bible's teaching about worship (you can hear it on http://www.rock.gg/). Jon told us that the first mark of true worship is intimacy with God. I remembered the New Testament Greek word means literally 'to kiss toward' or as Jonathan put it 'to turn towards as if to kiss'. Now you can experience that whether you are in a garden or a prison cell, in a church meeting or a hospital bed.

And then I recalled how Job reacted when disaster hit his life. When all his possessions were taken from him and his children were all killed, Job bowed before the Lord and worshipped. He turned his tear-stained face to kiss the God who had allowed all this to come into his life. And then I feel like saying 'Wow'! At the moment my life is blighted by acute and chronic pain and frequent hospitalisation, but I pray for the ability, by God's grace, to go beyond praising Him for the beauty of His creation, and to kiss His hand in worship.

'I worship Thee, sweet will of God,

And all Thy ways adore,

And every day I live, I long

To love Thee more and more.'

Easter Blues

It's great to see the daffodils and the bluebells, and sniff the scent of gentle vanilla from the gorse bushes anouncing Spring has really sprung. And a later Easter than usual has produced glorious weather too. Time to be out and about, walking the beaches, running after the little dog, just enjoying the wonder of God's creative genius.

So what did I do? I got sick(er) and was admitted to hospital, that's what. Would you believe it? We had just enjoyed the stirring Good Friday songs and hymns with our good friends out in the country chapel at Zion Christian Fellowship, and welcomed Matthew on a brief visit with his latest girlfriend Sarah (who is an absolute delight - he couldn't have done better) and I started to boil up and yuckify into an attack of cholangitis.

There I was on Easter Day, waking up on a surgical ward to the smell of poo, wee and socks, tied to a drip pole and feeling like I had just been run over by a truck. I fumbled in my black bag to see what Diane had hastily thrown in for me, and grabbed my iPod. 'Ah good,' I thought, 'I will listen to some stirring worship songs in my earphones.' But no go, my iPod was as dead as a dodo. How did St John the Divine manage to be 'in the Spirit on the Lord's Day' without an iPod? So, I tried to tune my liitle radio for a broadcast - the batteries were flat.

Well, I thought, God's people are gathering in their millions around the earth to celebrate the risen Lord and I'm not going to let this get me down. I began just to praise Him in my heart - and then I found that He was with me! Yes - you wouldn't credit it! No iPod, no radio, no Bible, no church and me as sick as a parrott surrounded by human debris, tormented by pain and He was with me. Don't ask me how, but for a moment my faith was stirred by His presence, and a bit of His joy dripped into my arm and onward to my sore heart.

I'm not going to say it was a miracle. It was just a relief that when they came to check me out that particular storm had passed, my fevers had subsided, and though still in pain I was well enough to go home and have at least a little bit of Easter Monday with Diane. When I think about it, it just makes sense that He would want to be in a surgical ward on Easter Day. After all, if the grave could not hold Him there's no telling where He might turn up, is there?

The G21!

As Barak Obama mounts the steps of his Air Force One Boeing 747 jet, and Angela Merkel prepares her VW Beetle, all to get to London for this week's summit, I am about to turn it into the G21!. Yes, I am off to London as well, and I understand that I will be staying quite close to where the US President will be staying in Regents Park. He will of course be staying at the American Ambassador's residence whereas I will sleeping on one of the benches! (joke)

The purpose of the G20 leaders is to save the world from its financial illness. My own is to seek further medical help to find the key to a sickness of a very different kind. I have been referred back to the Consultant in the hepatobiliary/pancreatic unit at the University College of London Hospital (UCLH). I have been there many times before, more than fifty, but this time I am going in possibly in a pretty low state. Pain, nausea, exhaustion and the side effects of massive medication makes it difficult for me to travel anywhere, let alone London.

So, while you pray for the G20 will you please spare a moment to pray for the G (Gaudion) 1?

Many thanks. And I'll let you know how I get on. Don't forget my new website at http://www.storm-force.info/

Storm Force

At a time when I am feeling really unwell and so helpless, along comes the publication of my new book to cheer me up! (See my new website at www.storm-force.info) It was submitted to the editors in June of last year and has taken these months to publish, but I think the timing is just right. One of the main issues dealt with in the book is the cross and whether or not we can claim our healing as a legal right because of what Jesus did there. I also wrote the book to give courage and heart to all those who, like me, are in God's waiting room, suffering chronic illness or deep trouble and not yet healed. Like a lot of other pastors in the Pentecostal/Charismatic wing of the church I know that God can and does heal the sick. But what about when He doesn't?

• How do you keep believing when time drags on with no obvious intervention by God?
• What do you say to those who accuse you of not having enough faith to be healed?
• How do you deal with anger?
• What about guilt - when it doesn't seem to go away
• What about the future - what's the long-term outlook?

I believe that Storm Force will make the difference for thousands of people in pain and for their carers, and also for those who preach to them. Like Braving the Storm before it, I am expecting to hear from people around the world whose lives will be touched by this new book. Please pray that this will be the case.

If you are in the UK or Europe, and would like to buy one, try your local Christian bookshop or go to http://www.authenticmedia.co.uk/ or you can email me at EricGaudion@hotmail.com and I will send you a copy post free for £8.99. If you can pay by PayPal then I can email you back with a clickable payment tab which you can use to pay me. Outside the EU, the book can be obtained from Amazon.com (in a short while), or let me know and I will email you the cost of postage on top of the book price.

I am really hoping that this is just the second of three books, and that the next one will be called 'After the Storm!'

Faith commended

When faith is under fire there is no better place to go than the Word of God. From the pages of the Bible come words that sustain, strengthen us and carry us through. No superficial words here - no easy believism - no phony baloney, just enough to keep us hanging in there.


During the great trial of faith through which Diane and I are passing the scriptures have been our emergency rations every day. Even when we have been at our lowest there has always been a word in season. This morning we were really struck by this passage in Hebrews 11 - the great chapter of faith:

And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets,33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions,34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.37 They were stoned; they were sawn in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and ill-treated—38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

That last line really spoke to us. These biblical heroes were commended by God for their faith and yet they had not received what had been promised to them! Their basket was empty, their pain unrelieved, their hopes were unrealised. Yet, God commended their faith.

From this I draw the consolation that not all faith is 'receiving faith'. Some is just 'persevering faith' or the faith to endure. If that faith alone is yours today you have God's commendation on your life.

Struck down but not destroyed

'Surgery was abandoned due to risk to patient's life' intoned the nurse addressing the duty consultant doing ward rounds a few days ago. I was still pretty groggy and in soaring pain (still am today) but at least I had got back to the main ward after my time in the Intensive Care Unit. What gagged me more than my circumstances was the growing realisation that I had undergone that dangerous and tricky procedure for nothing. Due to the amount of scar tissue found in my body, the surgeon worked on me for about an hour and then closed me up. Now I still have daily inescapable pancreatic pain, enough in itself to make me curl up into a foetal position and long for deliverance, and on top of that the pain of an operation, wounds, stitches and all.

So, what clever little piece of pithy prose shall I put into my blog today? That's right - none at all. I am thoroughly p****d off. Almost incoherent through weakness and absolutely clueless about what is going on in my life. Yet there is just a tiny pinprick of glow like a little firefly flickering stubbornly on at midnight in a vast dark empty African wilderness. I remember a bible passage that says, 'We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.'

That's it then. I won't try to understand it. I'll leave that to Him. Be content just to 'carry about in my body the death of Jesus' and leave the rest in His hands. Does anybody know a good song that will cheer me up? Answers on the back of a postage stamp please.

In God's Waiting Room

Sometimes when people ask us 'where are you these days?' we reply 'we are in God's waiting room'. This is not to be clever, just to state a fact. People with chronic health problems do spend a lot of time in waiting rooms - hospitals, doctors' surgeries, radiology departments, you name it and we've been there. They are such cold places - not because the central heating has broken down - but because people are feeling so nervous and often so unwell that they sit in silence (at least in the British culture) and almost dare you to say anything. The inevitable copies of yachting magazines and women's weeklys is about the only thing that breaks the monotony. It seems you wait for ages and then spend precious few minutes consulting with the person you need to see.

So why would I describe my experience as being in God's waiting room? Well, it's different there. In God's waiting room there are promises posted all around. 'Don't be afraid, I will be with you' and 'I am the Lord who heals you' are the type of thing. Then there are the warm and wonderful people who share the experience with you, people who are praying for you, who care about how you are feeling. Instead of mouldy mags there is the life-giving Word of God, and most amazing of all, there is constant free access to the top consultant Himself! The only thing that is the same, then, is the waiting.

The Bible says a lot about waiting. The Psalms are full of it. Look it up yourself and you'll find I'm right. God uses waiting not because He is overburdened with needs and cannot fit ours in, but because He wants to deal with our character and not just our condition. Who we are and not just how we are feeling is what is about to be operated upon.

So, we pray for patience to stay in God's waiting room for as long as He chooses. 'Wait, wait upon the Lord' is the choice we must make daily.

Here we go again!

I can't get rid of the phrase from my mind 'Led like a lamb to the slaughter'. I do hope it is not symbolic of problems to come! Anyhow, I have now been rebooked for major surgery here in Guernsey for Friday February 27th. This is now the third attempt to get this operation done, so I am really hoping it will go ahead ok and that all will go well.

Quite a few of my friends have been coping with disappointment recently too. It is so hard when you build yourself up to expect something and get everything ready and then all your plans fall through at the last minute. It is especially tough when the fault is not your own and you feel powerless to do anything about it. As I look back on my life, though, I know that I have grown more as a person through my disappointments than through my triumphs. There have been many more of them, of course, as triumphs seem few and far between. But there is no doubt that what I am today owes more to frustration than faith, and to loss rather than gain.

There is a remarkable passage at the end of Romans chapter 8 where Paul lists all the things that go wrong for us - things on earth or in heaven or under the earth etc. None of it, however frustrating, is able to seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. What's more, the writer describes those of us who face such overwhelming challenges as 'more than conquerors' through Christ's love.

So the last few weeks have been tough, and distinctly painful, but in God's economy they are not wasted. Here we go again then!

Cancelled at the last hurdle!

Oh boy am I mad! It was really hard to get to the winning post today only to be cancelled at the last minute. I had spent a rough night last night worrying about today and finally managed to brave the snow and ice (Diane driving the 4X4) to get to the hospital and was directed to a bed on the ward.

Diane went off to the funeral of an old friend and I settled down for the inevitable - only it wasn't inevitable. After more than two hours this blue uniformed matron arrived. She explained that as there was no Intensive Care Unit bed available for me to use they had no alternative but to CANCEL MY OPERATION! No date for the procedure - might find out more in the morning. Disappointed beyond words, I caught a taxi home.

I do realise that it is difficult to obtain beds in the very small ICU and that I will need one for up to 3 days after this op. I suppose one can only pray that one will become free very soon, and that the special anaesthetist and surgeon will both also be available on that day to do me. 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick' says the Bible and I agree!

Please join with us in prayer that this delay will be very short indeed and that it will not be long before I can have this much needed and long awaited surgery. Thanks.

The Darkness and the Light

'Out of the darkness I cry to You' are some words written by a man (or woman) who knew God and who knew pain. After two millennia these and similar words continue to help me as I struggle with one of the worst pains known to man - the searing internal (or should I say infernal) agony of chronic pancreatitis. Another one gives me heart - 'the darkness and light are just the same to You Lord'. That is not just a comfort when you can't sleep and yet are not free to make a noise so that you don't wake anybody else up - it also reminds me that God is just as real and just as close in the bad times as well as the good.

Today, 3,000 miles away in Washington DC, Barack Obama sat at his desk and signed the decree that declares that the imprisonment at Guantanamo Bay will end in one year from today. One day my Commander in Chief will sit at His desk and write out something similar about me and this prison cell of pain. There will come a day, and a moment when this cell door will open and I will go free. 'Please Lord, for the sake of your elect, let it be soon.'

It's been over twelve years now since this appalling pain first touched my life and ignited the war within. During my countless times in hospital and frequent brushes with death, I have become almost used to the fight. So today I just sat down and reminded myself of some stuff I needed to hear:

• God's not finished with me yet
• God's gifts and callings are irrevocable
• Pain can't stop me praying, even if it limits the clever stuff (not a bad idea anyway)
• The Bible is still true ('heaven and earth may pass away but My Word will never etc')
• God is good, all the time
• Jesus loves me.

The pain is dreadful, but it would be infinitely greater if I didn't know the above. Thanks to those of you who join me in my longing for healing and release. Just ask the Lord that in the meantime I will remain faithful, dignifying the trial, until he signs the executive order.

Hail the Chief!

Millions are gathered today to express their joy at his arrival. They throng the hillsides and fill to overflowing the enormous mall in the heart of Washington DC. When he came out onto the dais they yelled and cheered like people posessed. Well, in a way they were - posessed of a new hope and a fresh impetus because of one man - Barak Obama.

It cannot be healthy to begin a new job with the kind of expectations and with the adullation that attend this man. He ascends to office with an almost God-like Messianic expectation. Things will really change now - our time has come. 'Yes, we can' declare the posters, and the cry of the multitiudes is 'You bet!'

Is it ever right to put so much store by any man or woman, however gifted or attractive they may be? Obama is just a man like you and me. He will make mistakes, and because of the size of his responsibility they will be big ones. He needs God, and he needs to surrender his life daily to God if he is to have any effect at all. He will find it hard to give due place to his family and probably even harder to resist the temptation to believe his own PR people. But he must remember his first place is to be a husband and a father, and that humility is the key to wisdom.

Rick Warren, the pastor of Saddleback Church in California set us an example today. He doesn't see eye to eye with the new White House on many issues, but he stood alongside the relatively young Obama today and prayed for him openly. So must we, but we must also resist the cult of celebrity. Barak Obama is not the Messiah - only Jesus is. From today the new President stands in need of prayer, in need of God and in need of patience and forbearance as he comes to office in what must be the most difficult of times, just before Jesus returns. When that day comes, of course, we shall really have reason to sing 'Hail to the Chief!

Disabled but not disqualified

Martin was one of my co-patients in hospital last week. He really impressed me because of his attitude. Despite being good-looking and well-spoken, this educated man has been brought low by the disease diabetes, as a result of which he has had both his legs amputated. I was with Martin when they took his first leg off, and now four months later we were neighbours again in the same ward after they had amputated his other leg. He has suffered appalling pain, and is now beginning the realise the giant task that lies ahead of him in learning to walk again with false legs which will take some months to be manufactured and fitted. Yet he was positive and forward looking, joking that at least he had lost weight now! His goal is to get driving again, and to be able to get around just as freely as he could before he lost his limbs.

My encounter with Martin is one of those things that remind me that despite my many admissions to hospital, I am so blessed to be even as well as I am. I have to go back into the ward for major surgery on 3rd February and would appreciate your prayers for a successful outcome. Then, after that, I am to go back to London for further tests to see if the surgeons there can stop these attacks of cholangitis and pancreatitis which have put me in hospital three times in the last four months. But when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself, I remember Martin and his courage, his fortitude and faith, and decide to keep going a little longer.

You see, Martin is a sufferer from disease - but not a victim. He is in pain - but not in despair. He is disabled - but not disqualified. And I want to be like that too.

Pray for Israel

Those of us who love Israel and care about both its past and its future are deeply concerned about current events in Gaza. These can only serve to increase tension in the region, as well as to inflame hatred in Israel's enemies and misunderstanding amongst her allies. The outrageous over-reaction in the name of self-defence appears ludicrous to onlookers. If the British government had reacted in a similar way during the struggles in Northern Ireland we would have seen the RAF bombing and killing civilians in Londonderry and parts of Belfast. The provocation of Israel is clear - their reaction is way ahead of what seems to be fair or reasonable force.

Yet, every story has at least two sides. There may well be Palestinian connivance in what is going on as the Hamas group in Gaza is the sworn enemy of the Fatah faction operating in the West Bank. Maybe some old scores are being settled within the Palestinian camp. Others are saying that the Israelis are trying to make up for their defeat at the hands of Hezbollah in Lebanon a while back by attacking their smaller brother, Hamas, now.

Whatever the political wheeler-dealing that is going on, men women and children are dying now in Gaza, swept aside by a gigantic hand of hatred, violence and counter-force. How should we pray? Here are some suggestions you might like to add to your list:

• Pray for believers in Jesus on both sides of this appalling conflict that they may be true to their faith whilst not denying their cultural identity.
• Pray for the innocents in Gaza and Israel who fear for their lives now.
• Pray for the international aid agencies trying to bring help to the beleagured people of Gaza under this infernal pounding.
• Pray for recent developments bringing reconciliation and understanding between Arab Christians and Messianic Jews which are being jeopardised by the bombardments.
• Pray for the church in Israel and in Gaza.
• Pray for the leaders of Israel and the Palestinian community - both secular but heavily influenced by their religious backgrounds.
• Pray for peace.

'For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and for ever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.' Isaiah 9:6-7.

Christmas Shopping Blues

A mum was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable; and hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on the shelves, she finally made it to the lift with her two kids to leave the store. She was feeling what so many of us feel during this time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, not forgetting anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sends us a card.

Finally the lift doors opened and there was already a crowd inside. She pushed her way into the lift and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and she said, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot." From the back of the lift everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't worry we already crucified Him." For the rest of the trip down the lift was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did that, just think of how different the whole experience could be.

Christmas rejoicing

So, just 2 weeks ago my Mum died. It was a very hard time in the months leading up to her death, and it was so difficult to watch her suffering during her long slow decline. Maybe you have a loved one going through just such a time, or have recently been bereaved, and if so, I know how you feel at the moment.

There are many tough aspects of this post-bereavement period and I really appreciate all the kindness and support that has been given to me. Maybe you will have the opportunity today to encourage or care for someone who has recently been bereaved. But the greatest encouragement I have is that because of the message of Christmas, I know that one day I will meet my Mum again.

You see, for the Christian, the sting of death has been taken away by the coming of Christ that first Christmas. He did not stay a baby, but lived a life of miracles and died on the cross for our sins. Finally, on Easter Day, he rose again from the dead, and declared that if we trust in him we will not die eternally, but will live for ever in his presence.

So I have not lost my Mum in one sense of the word, I know just where she is, - she is with the Lord, waiting for me to join her. Now that’s one reason to rejoice on Christmas Day!

Violet Gaudion (nee Smith) 1929-2008

Born in Glasgow in November 1929 Violet (Vi) Smith was the oldest daughter of Robert Smith the Butcher in Kelvinside. Throughout the bombings of the city of Glasgow she remained at home in Lugar Drive near Bellahouston Park, where her milkman was a handsome young refugee from Guernsey, Len Gaudion.

Len and Vi were married at the Moss Park Congregational Church on 30th August 1949 and then moved to live in Guernsey. Their first son, Alan, was born in August 1950 and then Eric in 1952. Andrew joined the pack in August 1961. August seemed an important time in our household!

Mum spent the first few years of her married life at Midvale, and then at Bella Cottage in the Rue Mainguy, Vale. Here even I remember the dirt floor and outside tap, not to mention the outside loo which was just a hole in a wooden board over a pit. In 1959 Len and Vi bought the property in St Saviours which they renamed Kelvinside and set up business in the growing industry. Many hardworking years followed for Mum, working in the tomato packing shed and then with freesia and iris crops.

From 1959 on Mum was a member of the United Reformed Church at Grande Rue, St Saviours. She was baptised there in 1972 as a confession of her faith, by the minister at that time, Rev Graham Long. That's where her funeral service will be held on Friday 28th November at 11am.

Mum died this morning, 20th November, at 7.30am. It was the end of a long vigil at her side. At least we were able to pray together with her and remind ourselves of some of the good old days (and not so good!). She was a good lady - a real Scot. Sometimes she could be feisty, and when it came to her many illnesses she was a real fighter.

Good night Mum. We love you. See you in the morning.

Stepping Out

Most of life's steps are small ones. Even the big ones are usually just a procession of smaller ones leading up to the big leap. Faith is the final step in a long line of small understandable steps that take you up to a point where you have to make a choice - do I stay here so near and yet so far - or do I leap out over the final gap in faith. All the arguments and discussions in the world can only bring us so far in our knowledge of God and His ways - the last step is the leap of faith.

For me, this week, the final step is to do with restarting my preaching ministry this weekend after a gap of quite a few months. All being well I will be preaching this Sunday and the one after at the Church on the Rock where we are now in fellowship (http://www.rock.gg/). What makes it a leap of faith for me is the amount of pain I am still experiencing and the extent of the medication that I currently still require. Even this week my doctor has increased the dose of morphine that I must take and even that does not take the pain away for long. Several small steps of recovery from major surgery have led to this, but now is the big jump! I am learning some facts about faith here:

• You gotta do it alone - noone else can go there for you
• It's exciting to obey God and step out where you cannot see how it can be done
• It's great to exercise faith in a community of folk who love you and are cheering you on
• Every step of faith - leads on to another one!
• They don't get any easier as you get older!

Still, since the story of Peter walking on the water to Jesus, it has always been the case that if you want to walk on water you have got to get out ofthe boat! So, here we go, and by God's grace, I'll be here again soon to tell you how well things went.

And if you have a moment - a bit of prayer support would be welcome. Thanks!

Is the Tide Turning?

Feathers are flying at Broadcasting House. The BBC top management are in uproar about the public's reaction to the obscene phone calls made by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross on the late night BBC Radio 2 show hosted by Brand. Over 30,000 complaints have been recorded and even the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition have called the jape outrageous and unacceptable.

As the result of the furore both Brand and Ross have apologised publicly and in person to Andrew Sachs, the elderly actor whose telephone answerring machine received the obscene messages. Now Russell Brand has resigned from the BBC and Jonathan Ross has been suspended without pay for 3 months as a sign of the Corporation's displeasure.

Is this an early sign that the tide of public opinion about indecency on the airwaves is turning? I think it is. Both artists are well known for their wild and wacky sense of humour, and for pushing back the boundaries of what is acceptable, but maybe the licence payers have had enough.

If one effect of the outburst of national rage is that producers and editors pay more serious regard to the nature and content of their output then well and good. I have found myself increasingly sickened by the fare served up by the BBC and others broadcasters even before the so-called watershed. So much programming is built around humiliating people, mocking decency, promoting violence, murder and abusive sex. The time has come for a sea-change in British broadcasting - in fact, it is long overdue.

Messrs Brand and Ross may well have done the British public a favour. They deserve no thanks for that, but it is amazing how some good can come out of the most perverse circumstances.

The Shack - a Warning

I know that by writing about the bestselling Christian novel The Shack I may possibly get more people reading it than would otherwise have done, but before you dash out and buy it as a Christmas present, I want to sound a warning.

As a writer I found the literary devices used by the author deeply dissatisfying and sometimes disturbing. The underlying idea of the kidnap and brutal murder of a Christian's little girl is distasteful. But it is in the image of God that the book presents that I have the most difficulty.

Despite the rave reviews by people like Eugene Petersen and Michael W Smith, there are those who share my deep unease with this work of fiction. A friend of mine, Pete Greasley, Senior Pastor of Christchurch, Newport, found this item on a radio broadcast from the renowned American theologian Dr. Albert Mohler, who dedicated a radio program to presenting his review of the book. He closed the radio program with these words:"...Whenever you have an issue in which you are dealing in a narrative-fictional context with theology, you need to be really, really careful. It's dangerous enough to write theology. But when you try to put it in the form of 'theological fiction,' or 'Christian fiction,' it gets all the more dangerous because you are inventing dialogue and inventing characters. And this is one of the grave, grave problems I have with this book [The Shack]. If you put God in some kind of character format-in this case as an African-American woman-you're going to be creative and create a fictional character. Now, is it responsible to do that with the God of the Bible? I have grave concerns about that, but the concerns grow more grave when you look at the dialogue imbedded within the book and the fact that this simply, by any measure, falls far short of biblical Christianity. There is very little in this book about salvation, but there is absolutely nothing in this book that would help you to understand how one comes to be made right with God through the atonement achieved by Jesus Christ, the Son. My main issue is not with the particulars of the story-in some sense a story is a story. My problem is with what is imbedded in the story and this is a danger regardless of whether the story is presented as Christian fiction or something else. Remember, everyone has a purpose in writing a story. In this case, regardless of intention (I cannot read the man's heart), I can tell you the effect of this book is deeply subversive of the Christian faith and I think inherently seductive as well."

In my view the book is not only built upon a literary device that is nothing short of trickery, but is in breech of the second commandment about creating false images of God. So - I won't be sending out free copies with my Christmas cards!

Meltdown

Our tiny island of Guernsey is feeling the heat of the meltdown in global finances. Landsbanki (Guernsey) Ltd was placed into court administration yesterday and all its assets were frozen. This means that savers and depositors cannot get their money out. This is particularly hard for them, as in Guernsey there is no depositor's rescue scheme such as exists elsewhere.

Bankers around the world are not yet throwing themselves out of upper storey windows but the situation is tough and getting worse. Guernsey is sheltered from the worst of all this because of the stability and independance of our financial institutions, but Landsbanki is, of course, an Icelandic bank.

Speaking to a Landsbanki investor yesterday he said to me that if I was preaching at the moment (I am not because of my recovery from surgery) I would certainly have plenty say! Well, that's not just because of my verbose nature, but because the Bible does say a lot about money. In fact Jesus himself spoke about finances quite a lot and there is some good advice in the scriptures for those of us feeling the pinch.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." (Matthew 6:19-20)

From the Old Testament book of Proverbs (11:28) "Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf." But of course, alongside these warnings there are some amazing promises for those who trust God for their finances and honour Him with their giving. "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus"(Phil. 4:19).

So, this is a time for turning over to the Lord our worries about our financial future and choosing to trust in Him. Clearly the meltdown has not yet bottomed out, but it will do, and God's Word and His promises will remain the same.

'Serious Financial Consequences'

One million people, mainly children under five and pregnant women, die every year of malaria, most of them in Africa. Now in a new development, world leaders have gathered and decided to do something about it. Result? They're going to give $3 Billion to end this scourge.

The largest slice of the new money comes from the Global Fund to fight Aids, Tuberculosis and Malaria, which has approved $1.62bn in country grants over two years and then the World Bank, which is putting $1.1bn into Africa over three years.

The Bank is focusing especially on Democratic Republic of Congo and Nigeria, where 30-40% of all malaria deaths take place. Group president Robert B Zoellick said that endemic malaria also has serious financial consequences for families.

Ah - that must the key! 'Serious financial consequences'. Never mind that a million people die per year - what is this costing the global economy?

Maybe that is why there is all the action to bail out the US banking industry to the tune of $700 Billion! And it is amazing how quickly this has been resolved. 'Serious financial consequences'

Ask not how many people die of AIDS each year, or how many are starving. Don't enquire too closely where much of the existing foreign aid ends up anyway, as the people die in third world countries and their political leaders get fatter by the day. Ask only 'are there any serious financial consequences?' Going by the fugures involved in the twin bail-outs, that's all that really matters to us anyway.

Facing your Demons

It was the valley of death for me. If you have read my book Braving the Storm you will know about that. The Intensive Care Unit of my local hospital is where I have fought battles with the powers of death - and Hell! Last Wednesday I found myself there again.

The young nurse who welcomed me to the surgical ward could not have been kinder. It was her throw-away comment that gave me the eebie jeebies! 'Oh you won't be coming back here after the op, you'll be going to Intensive Care'. All at once the images of pain, humiliation, fear and near-death encounters rushed unbidden into my mind. ICU? I thought I would never have to set foot in the place again. Well, I didn't have to set foot there - my feet were firmly on the bed - but I did go there last week and I survived.

As the ICU nurse was leading my trolley back to the ward a couple of days later I said to him that the time there had been healing in more ways than one. Physically, of course, I needed to be there, and am grateful for their care after a painful big operation. Spiritually, and emotionally, my short time there taught me many lessons. Among them was the fact that sometimes, even after many years, you can't get completely free of some things until you face them.

I wouldn't have chosen to do so, especially at this low ebb in my illness. But God had other plans for me, and other business to transact in my soul. Back into the fiery furnace I needed to go. Back into the lions' den. And God was with me. He did bring me through, as He had done the first time. And you know what? I did feel His presence there, and His peace. 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me.'

I hadn't planned to face my demons last Wednesday morning, but it was in God's appointment book for me. Thanks to your prayers and His blessing, I am here to tell you about it.

Step up in Faith

I have been reading Mike Mason's book The Gospel According to Job. It has already proved to be a real inspiration - a great read. It is helpful to me that it comes in bite-sized chunks of just a couple of pages per chapter, which is just about all I can manage in one go at the moment. It quickly becomes clear in the reading that Mike has suffered, and he has a heart for those who suffer also.

Job speaks to me. As a Bible book it is remarkable for what it does not say. No mention of Israel, of temples or tabernacles, Law or prophet. That's what makes some scholars think it might be the oldest book in the Bible - pre Abraham even. Yet I find it bang up to date with what I am going through right now.

One early lesson from Job chapter 1 is the picture of the man with all the weight of his appalling suffering bearing down on him, on his face in worship before God. 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away' he said 'may the name of the Lord be praised'. The author of the book then makes the incredible statement 'In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing'.

A preacher visited an island church recently and challenged the congregation to 'step up to a higher level of faith and claim your healing'. Some who have survived appalling circumstances, like Job, without accusing God of wrongdoing were in that meeting and struggled to step up to the new mark being set for them by the earnest young (healthy) preacher. None of them were healed that day, but then none of them needed to step up any further than where they already stood.

It may take faith to receive a miracle or to heal the sick, but it takes an even higher level of faith to look God in the eye after losing your children, your wealth, your reputation and your health and say through cracked lips and choking cry 'May the name of the Lord be praised'.

Thanks Job, and thanks Mike Mason for reminding me of that.

Once more to the breach...

The open doors of the ambulance beckoned me once again. The concerned looks of the paramedics - the plastic smell of the oxygen - the disinfected cleanliness of the inside of the vehicle - here we go again! The journey to the hospital took only about 20 minutes but felt like 20 hours! Every bump and jolt made me wince with pain. Each corner left me strapped to the bed and suspended in midair as the ambulance leaned right over. I was so septic and sick that all I longed for was the hospital stay that lay ahead of me, sad eh?

Thankfully the word was getting around that I was in trouble again. As if the 46 visits to the hospital in the UK in the last four years were not enough I was being admitted as an emergency with a severe abdominal infection on top of chronic pancreatitis. People began to pray. Despite the fact that it took 3 hours of waiting in A & E and a good performance by Diane in 'tiger mode' on my behalf before the antibiotics were dripping their way into my arm, at last I had a chance to start fighting for myself.

For 24 hours I was 'on the danger list' as they say. I felt so desperately ill. Yet around the churches in Guernsey and much further afield - even as far as Australia and New Zealand - people were beginning to become aware of our great need and lift 'Eric and Diane' up once again in intercession and prayer.

Now, a week later, I am home again. Surgery awaits in the early part of September. Through it all can see the hand of God in mobilising the St John's ambulance and rescue service, and the Church of Jesus Christ emergency prayer warriors on my behalf.

Thankyou Lord!

It's Family First

When it comes to ministry if things are not working at home then they are not working at all. God's servants must learn to show integrity and wholeness in their family and sexual lives if they want us to take them seriously in the pulpit. Todd Bentley is learning that to his own awful cost at this time (see letter from the Board August 15th at http://www.freshfire.ca/).

What should our response to this tragedy be?

• Pray for the thousands who respectd Todd and who will be dreadfully disilliusioned


• Pray for the leaders of the churches who supported the Lakeland outpouring


• Pray for those who were healed during these events


• Pray for Shonnah Bentley and their children


• Pray for Todd to come to a sincere and godly repentance worked out in submission, humility, honesty and accountability.

And what of the Lakeland revival? Was it of God? Should we now write it off with all those 'revival police' who are gloating over Todd's fall?

I think not. Many were saved and healed through the Word and the worship. Before Todd fell I was among those saying 'don't focus on Todd Bentley, this is bigger than him'. I still say this now. God honours His Word. Healing gifts and other charismatic gifts are not an endorsement of character. Samson in the Old Testament and Corinth in the New teach us that. Thank God that this matter has come into the light so that it can be put right.

'But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us' (nor from TB).

Small but Beautiful!

Having offended cat lovers everywhere by my last post I thought I would show you the little doggy I mentioned then and reveal that I am an old softie at heart really.



Paprika is smaller than most cats at 2kg - the weight of a bag of sugar. But in her heart she is as big as a Great Dane and as brave as a Mastiff! Nothing worries her except fast traffic passing nearby or the sudden slam of a car door. When big dogs come near she shows them the door. And woe betide the neighbour's cats!



My involvement with small animals doesn't end there. I have been helping out an elderly lady who was being troubled by rats in her garden. Not wanting to poison anything else out there I offered to trap them for her. Each night I have diligently set out delectable menus of bacon, banana and cheese for their delight. So far I have had two customers in my traps - both hedgehogs! These lovely creatures are no problem, but I transported them alive to a nearby nature reserve. Aww! Impressive eh?



So small animals are occupying unusual amounts of time just at the moment. Is this some kind of sign? Am I being called to join the RSPCA? Mind you, I am leaving the back door open a lot just in case those missing moggis are around! Mee-ow.

That's the price but what's the value?

What a surprise to read a couple of adverts in our local paper the Guernsey Press about missing cats. Don't get me wrong, we love our little dog and if she went missing we would make every effort to find her, but when I saw these ads I just wondered where this will end. £200 for a missing loved pet is one thing, but £750? I notice that in the blurb for Ginger, the more expensive of the two missing moggies, the cat has no tail. If he had one would the reward price be more - say £1000?

Diane and I were joking that now we have no salary we should get up to those areas with binoculars and a strong net and see if we could find them! It would be quite a good day's work wouldn't it? Mind you - if we found a ginger one with a tail - well we might have to make some alterations to get our money!!

Before you cat lovers get all huffy and cry 'foul!' just think for minute about the value we place on people not pets. Cats in Guernsey get fed a richer diet than children do in many parts of the world. If these two felines are worth one thousand pounds between them, how much is the Zimbabwean orphan bereaved by HIV worth?

In the heart of God even a sparrow is precious. (Sorry cats, but it's true - the Bible says so!). Yet the value of one human being, however big or small, whereever they were born, is beyond estimation. The price God was willing to pay was the death of his own dear Son. So, when He hears that one of His precious little ones is lost, He stops at nothing to redeem them. That's how much we matter to Him.

In the meantime, if you see us round the high parishes with a pair of binoculars - well, pray that we will have a 'word of knowledge' will you?

Weak but Indispensible

It came as quite a shock - and just the jolt that I needed. I was feeling sorry for myself, which is not an unusual thing when I am in pain. The morphine based drugs, including Fentanyl, that I need to take just to dull the pancreatic pain, can't remove it. They also have a slight depressive effect. So I turned to the scriptures for help and encouragement, but I wasn't expecting what I got!

'The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don’t need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don’t need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable' (1 Corinthians 12:21-22).

I have had some experience of parts of the body of Christ saying to me 'We don't need you' and it has been tremendously hard to bear, especially on top of the battle already going on. What struck me so forceably was the second and last parts of the passage. Christ is the head of the Church - and He cannot say to the lowest part of the body 'I don't need you'! That is so precious when you are feeling weak and vulnerable.

But what follows, and caused me to stop and take a deep breath, was that wonderful statement that those parts of the body of Christ that seem to be weaker are indispensible! Not just necessary, nor even important, but indispensible. So if you are feeling weak, or have experienced rejection yourself, hang on to these great facts

• Jesus says He needs you


• You are indispensible to Him and His church


• You deserve 'special honour' (vs 23)

Tragic Lesson

In some parts of the UK teenagers have been shocking their communities by taking their own lives. In Bridgend, a small town in South Wales, 22 youngsters have killed themselves in the last 18 months. Now, even here in Guernsey, a 14 year old boy, close friend of someone I know, has hanged himself in despair. Tragically, his death occurred at a local beauty spot, and it is so hard to understand how such misery could be doled out in such a lovely place.

On the coffin of this young man at his humanist funeral was the insignia of a dangerous new cult - Emo. Related to the Goth phenomenon it encourages members to characterise themselves as 'emotional' and wear dark, deathly, symbols and clothes. Here's how one reporter described the movement:
The Emos - short for Emotional - regard themselves as a cool, young sub-set of the Goths.
Although the look is similar, the point of distinction, frightening for schools and parents, is a celebration of self harm.
Emos exchange competitive messages on their teenage websites about the scars on their wrists and how best to display them. Girls' secondary schools have for some time been concerned about the increase in self harm.
One governor of a famous boarding school told me that it was as serious a problem as binge drinking, but rarely discussed for fear of encouraging more girls to do it.
Although it is invariably described as a 'secret shame', there is actually a streak of exhibitionism about it.
The internet has many sites dedicated to Emo fashion (dyed black hair brushed over your face, layering, black, black, black), Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance), Emo conversation (sighing, wailing, poetry).
The Instant Emo Kit site gives advice on identity... 'show your inner despair by looking like you are too sad to eat. Obesity and emocity do not mix.'

Those of us who are parents or who care about young people need to know about this movement and be warned. If we see signs of it we shouldn't be indifferent or see it as just another passing phase. You can't lock people away from danger but you can be there for them in their insecurity and look out for ways to share their pain. Most of all, as Christians we need to share the good news that Jesus knows our darkest thoughts and loves us more than we can know - just as we are. He also loves us too much to leave us that way.

If you know someone fascinated with Emo, pray for them and try to get alongside them - or encourage them to seek help. This virus is infecting more than just computers, and families need firewalls of faith and power to protect them.

Gems in Dark Places

I have been reading Job 28 recently. In this ancient explanation of mining techniques - possibly pre-Abramic - there is one clear message. Precious things come from dark places. "There is a mine for silver and a place where gold is refined. Iron is taken from the earth, and copper is smelted from ore... sapphires come from its rocks, and its dust contains nuggets of gold." None of the animals place any value on these things, or has any idea of the potential beneath their feet. Only man - made in the image of a creator God - sees the potential and has the will and the means to excavate it.

How does this affect me? Well, I am in a dark place at the moment. After high hopes that the dreadful pancreatic pain may finally have been defeated my old enemy is back. I enjoyed 10 weeks of freedom following the celiac plexus block of early April, but now the effects of that have worn off, and I am in need of opiates again. The word 'disappointment' may be long enough, but it's not deep enough to express my feelings.

But then - God's not finished with me yet. Nor with you. Our final chapter has not been written. And out of the dark places real gems can come. Diamonds are formed under immense pressure. They only exist where conditions are dark are hostile. Their beauty comes at a price, both for them and for the one who mines them. Those of you who know your Bibles know all this already. But when I feel discouraged, I like to remind myself of this great truth. God's promises do not depend on our feelings. "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but it appears that the Almighty has an interest in them too.

Don't Write Off the Disappointed

She waved her arms enthusiastically in the air. Well, who could blame her? The healing evangelist had just called out her painful condition in front of nearly 2,000 people. He had said that there was a woman present with painful osteo arthritis affecting her knees and other joints and that God was going to heal her. This use of the charisma called 'a word of knowledge' (see 1 Corinthians 12:8) is common in the healing revivals going on around the world at the moment, and especially in America. When it happens, the sufferer must surely conclude that their moment has come. God is calling them out - He must be going to heal them!

We were standing right behind her in Bill Johnson's wonderful church in Redding, California. When Bill prayed for her she went down on the floor with a thump and stayed there for a good time. When she got up the meeting went on, but those who had been prayed for were encouraged to do something that they couldn't do before. This lady tried to flex her sore knees, and nearly stumbled once more to the floor. She struggled in obvious disappointment back to her seat. Later, when Bill asked 'who has been healed tonight?' many hands went up, but not hers.

As a pastor and a fellow sufferer of chronic pain I felt very keenly for her. I praise God for the many healings taking place right now, but I want to urge people not to neglect the need of the disappointed. We need a theology of suffering alongside our theology of healing.

• It will bring balance to our prayers and our comments
• It will assure the disappointed that they still matter to God and to us
• It will hold them in God's love while they wait for God's power

So, what was happening that night? Was God calling this lady out? What for if not for healing? Well, I suppose that in such a big crowd there may have been others who fitted the description given. It may not have been her time for healing, but it may well have been a test of her responsiveness and obedience to God. It may just have been a well-intentioned mistake. What it did do was make me determined not to neglect the disappointed in my ministry. I want to find ways of reaching out to them and to continue standing with them while they wait for God. After all, in this as in other aspects of the Christian life, whilst we may be disappointed in a ministry or a meeting or a man, Jesus should not be a disappointment. I have found that He is not, and even in the heat of the battle with pain, I have proved Him to be faithful and true.

Belgian Waffles

What an absolute delight! Crunchy sweet Belgian waffles with syrup. Yum yum! Deadly but delicious. Mind you - my diet means that I could only sample one or two during my visit to Antwerp last weekend, but that was a joy. 'More Lord!' Hee hee.

The sweetness of the waffles was only matched by the fellowship I enjoyed with some wonderful people. Leo and Hazel, the pastor and his wife, are the most precious servants of God you could hope to meet. Real and loving, gentle yet determined, they have led the church through a difficult year or so. The work of the Evangelical churches in Belgium is not easy - partly due to the remnant of Catholicism in the culture, but also to the spread of secularism and materialism - but the congregation at the Philadelphia church in Antwerp is large and thriving.

I had the privilege of spending time with the leaders and also with the church. I was deeply moved by some of the great needs among the people, who are choosing to trust God in spite of their pain and disappointment. They are an example of their New Testament namesake, the Philadelphia church in Revelation 3. Jesus said of them that they had kept his commands and endured patiently. I feel that a great future is before this church, just like the 'open door' of Rev 3:8. Pray for them and for all who serve God in the challenging spiritual atmosphere of modern Belgium.

God zegene U!

Fresh Fire in Florida?

Since returning from California two weeks ago I have been watching the events taking place at Lakeland Florida under the leadership of Todd Bentley. This is being televised nightly on the GOD channel via both satellite and the internet (http://www.god.tv/). Whilst I share the concerns of some who have been put off by certain aspects of the revival, it does seem to me that this is a genuine expression of the outpouring of God's Holy Spirit, and the emphasis is on healing and the manifest presence of God (they refer to it as 'the Glory'). One pastor friend of mine in Northern Ireland took his leadership team to the meetings.

'The place was immediately filled with an awesome sense of the presence of God as a team of young men began to dance to a worship song. The leader explained that the team (dancers and singers) was made up of young people whose lives had been messed because of drugs and rape etc. We then went into a time of worship that I would defy anyone to even suggest was not of God! It was truly amazing as we worshipped a truly amazing God.'

My visit to Bethel Church in Redding, California, served by Bill Johnson as Pastor, showed me the same phenomenon in a different setting. There, the revival has become systemic and is rooted in the local church. 'Seldom a week goes by' said Bill ' when we don't see at least one hundred miracles in this church'. There I could see the final outworking of what is going on in the Lakeland arena and being taken, it seems, by visitors back to churches around the globe. Local churches burning with revival fire - all of God's people full of passion for Jesus - many getting healed and saved on a regular basis - missionary teams going out from these centres with mercy missions empowered by the Spirit and God's love - the supernatural as a part of the normal Christian life.

So, I cringe at some of the things I see in Lakeland, but I refuse to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I choose instead to remember:

• that Todd's obvious shortcomings are a real reminder that he is not God
• that I am not his judge (neither am I God!)
• that television is a very poor medium for communicating spiritual experiences, being focussed on the carnal and the outward
• that I long for the presence of God however disturbing or different that may be.

As my Irish Pastor friend put it, 'As a Leadership Team we are all in total agreement that our visit to Lakeland was an awesome Spirit filled experience. It made me feel that it was better being inside the Upper Room than standing outside.' I am sure that he's right, so I pray for 'More Lord!' 'More fire, more power, more healings, more glory'!

Everything's Bigger in California!

My recent silence on this site has been due to our wonderful two week visit to California! What amazing people and what a fantastic place. We have always been a bit dubious of Hollywood glitz and the image of America that it casts, but this trip has changed all that. We were enchanted by the welcome and hospitality we received, and awed by the mountain views and the natural splendour of northern California. And yes, everything does seem so much bigger there - from beefsteak to bras and from watermelons to wildernesses.

We spent the second week mostly up the mountain around Mt Shasta. At 14,000 feet, one of the high peaks of the USA and a fabulous view. The lakes and valleys of that area, together with the clean air and majestic waterfalls, make it a place probably second only to Switzerland for beauty and charm. Here it was a little cooler than in nearby Redding, where the temperatures were in the 90's F and are now well over 100.

The highlight of our time there were the two weekends we spent with Bethel church, Redding, where Bill Johnson is the pastor, and where a healing revival is taking place. There was a dynamic sense of the presence of God and definite healing miracles taking place including cancers and open wounds being healed. I received powerful prayer in their 'healing rooms' and am looking forward to seeing the outcome in my own precarious health situation.

So - things are big in the US of A - but their God is still my God, and their Bible is in my hands. The size of our bras - or our mountains - may not be as great, but Jesus said that if you have faith as small as a grain of mustard seed you can actually move mountains. So I am not discouraged, just grateful and blessed.