Hope not Despair for the Battles of Life

Despair really is the abandonment of hope. In my book Braving the Storm I write about the German Underground Hospital built in Guernsey during World War 2. It was, in its day, the largest man-made underground structure in Europe, but today is a ruin only barely available to tourists who want to recall the Occupation. It is dark, smelly and eerie, with definite ghoulish factors to give goosebumps even to people who enjoy Halloween. It came into its own during the period after D-Day in June 1944, when these islands were cut off from the nearby continent and wounded soldiers from the front were shipped here for surgery and care. Almost immediately it was found to be useless as a place of renewal and healing. This was largely because of its dark underground design, and the total absence of natural light and warmth. They might just as well have written over the entrance "abandon hope all ye who enter here"!

Healing really does need hope, and the Bible says that "hope deferred makes the heart sick". The temptation to despair is something familiar to those of us who have fought long battles with chronic ill health. There surely must be similar pressure to despair in marital conflict, redundancy, or abuse. Once we dig our own bunker to hide in and determine to abandon hope we are in danger of the very cynicism and bitterness of soul that has destroyed people much more clever than we are. Despair poisons our emotions and robs us of peace. It trickles down into our spirits like the lime-stained seepage that mars the walls of the Underground Hospital. Ultimately it dethrones God in our hearts and is a form of what I also call in my books "sweet rebellion". This is usually present in the lives of people who have despaired of their situation, future or church, but are still running on fumes and acting like good, sweet Christians. Only a change of heart will heal. Only a change of language and attitude will bring the longed-for hope. The Bible calls that kind of thing repentance.

When the Jewish King David was going through a particularly wounding patch in his often troubled life, he refused to dig a bunker and despair. He wrote the immortal words of Psalm 42 - "Why are you so downcast, O my soul? why are you so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God." (v5) If you are reading this because you are tempted to dig a hole and despair I just want to urge you to think again. While there is a God in heaven there will be hope on Earth available to all who come humbly and desperate to Jesus Christ, our risen Lord. His Spirit and his words of hope can lift us up from a horrible pit even worse than the Nazis left in Guernsey.

The Privilege of Suffering and Believing

I have been so challenged and helped by a little book that Dr Helen Roseveare wrote before she died last year.  The manuscript was discovered after her death and has now been published. The title is "Count it all Joy" and is published by Christian Focus Publications. In it Helen recalls her 20 years of service as a missionary doctor working in the Congo. After 10 very difficult years there she was caught up in the Simba rebellion of the 1960's and was imprisoned with others for several months. She was brutally treated, beaten until they broke her teeth, and raped. Finally she was rescued by an international force re-asserting the government's rule. After time to recover at home in the UK, though, she went back to the place of her intense suffering and served a further decade there.

In this final manuscript Dr Roseveare prescribes for us some tough medicine to swallow. At the time of her dreadful suffering, during which she fully expected to die, she felt that God spoke to her - whether audibly or through her inner thoughts is not made clear. She felt that the Lord who had suffered so much for her on the cross, asked her if she would be willing for Him to trust her to go through these terrible experiences even if He never explained why.  She writes:"Somehow in the darkness of that appalling night, I managed to say to my dear Lord, 'I don't understand what you may be doing, or who can be helped through this ordeal... but yes, if you ask this of me, thank you for trusting me with this experience, even if you never tell me why'. Wow, what a prayer - and what a lady.

I don't make any pretense of having been through anything like as serious as what Dr Helen went through, or like any of my missionary friends and colleagues who were attacked and brutally killed, but I have known what it is to be "long-suffering" as you may be aware. I look back over 2 decades of the most dreadful pain and the nearness of death, not in the Congo but in over a hundred admissions to hospital seriously ill with one of the most painful diseases known to man. I believe that I have survived to this day for a reason. In her funeral address, the speaker (Louis Sutton, the International Director of her mission agency WEC) pointed out that Helen's favourite word was 'privilege'. She counted it a privilege to be a committed Christian, to serve others in the name of Christ, to be a missionary doctor, writer and speaker. But above all, she looked at her sufferings as a privilege.

If you are a reader I recommend any of Helen's books, but none more so than her last testimony. "Then, when we trust Jesus in our suffering, it will be a powerful sign that Christ is worthy of our absolute trust. And we can count it as a privilege." (Louis Sutton). Please help me rise to that place, Lord, even though you may never tell me why.

The Big 'A'?

Wow - I don't like being too apocalyptic (who does?) but today even the Daily Mail has used the word. Its report of yesterdays strange atmospheric phenomena over the Channel Islands and right up to the north of England warns "Apocalypse now!" I must confess that it was eerie. It felt like an unscheduled eclipse of the sun.  Mind you, early in the morning I thought it was the moon we were looking at but soon realised that it was rising in the eastern sky so it must be the sun. Across these islands automatic street lights came on in the daytime (we don't have such things in my part of Guernsey but Jersey does). An iridescent orange hue covered most of us through the day. Spooky or what?

My best theory is the Saharan dust one plus the Iberian smoke from wild fires. The two came together to show us these strange events. Today it is passing, though some are reporting a strong smell of burning, smoke or ash in the air.

The Bible does address these kind of things, speaking of the end of time. In Luke 21:25  Jesus said; "And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring".  When the apostle Peter was speaking on the Day of Pentecost he said this: ..."the sun turning black and the moon blood-red, before the Day of the Lord arrives, the Day tremendous and marvelous". I reckon that the physical events of yesterday show us two things. One, how the Bible predictions could easily come about, maybe even quite soon, and two that people do think deep and even spiritual thoughts when they see something like this happening.

Taking the Bible at its word, though, its biggest forecast is that one day Jesus Christ will come again. Our responsibility is to be ready for that day which, if yesterday felt "apocalyptic", will prove to have been as nothing compared to the real thing. The events of Monday certainly got us all looking upwards and Christian believers may have recalled the words of Jesus again "When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." (Lu 21:28)

Surgery for the Soul

Since my pancreas was removed, together with my spleen, and the 'Islets of Langerhan' previously housed in the pancreas were transplanted into my liver, my life has changed. Gone is the dreadful pancreatic pain of the last 20+ years, and gone is the fear of yet another admission to hospital with an attack of acute pancreatitis. I think over 100 such admissions in the last 20 years is enough for anyone! One of the things that has changed for me, apart from the obvious joy of hoping to travel and maybe preach again from early next year, is the need to regularly check my blood glucose levels. At the moment I need to do this 8 times daily. I also have to inject Insulin for possibly up to 6 months until the Islets develop their own blood supply in the liver where they have been placed.

This constant checking before meals and 2 hours after and even during the night, is to prevent glucose rising to levels (9+ mol) that could damage the transplant. I really don't want to do anything that would undo the wonderful work that was done in me by Professor White and his team. Yet checking is an annoying practice causing my poor fingers to protest at all this blood-letting! I can tell by this though that all is well with my amazing surgical outcome.

I don't believe that God wants his children to be constantly looking inward or navel-gazing but I do recognise the need for occasional checking in my spiritual life too.  This is just to see that we are not doing any harm to the wonderful work that God has done in us when he saved us.  I recall that few lines from the hymnbook of ancient Israel, the book of Psalms, that says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (Ps 139:23-24). Jesus also initiated what we know as the communion service or Eucharist, and in it we are told to examine our hearts and see if all is well with God's work within us.

I am glad that the Professor's work in me has been so successful this far, but I am more glad that God has also begun a work in me that offers me new life and a new start each day. After saying farewell to a dear friend at her funeral service last week, I am also glad that this work in us leads on into everlasting life.  Surgery for the soul if you like!

Let Some Things be Sacred

Another terrorist attack has just happened in London and many hundreds of people who were on the train that was bombed will be grateful today that they are still alive. According to the news media, the bomb did not fully detonate and so mass fatalities were narrowly avoided. We can thank God for this small mercy in what would otherwise be a significant disaster. What compounds this dreadful act is that those who perpetrate such things do so in the name of their god. Well, he isn't my God and if you want to know what he is like, you only have to look at the person and deeds of Jesus Christ, the prince of peace!

But I was really concerned that the national newspaper I bought the following day contained page after page of intense analysis, pointing out how such a device could be made from information online. There was even a detailed account of what it presumed the police and MI5 would be doing in order to catch the culprit.  Wouldn't it be much better and safer to keep some things under wraps until a later stage when their investigations are more advanced?  And should certain subjects be off-limits completely? Of course, we have grown accustomed to this level of media speculation but we should not forget that it is being done to sell papers and make a profit.

I felt the same when the news media reported the fact that a stalker had got access to the school where Prince George is studying. They included close details of when and where the school is, what security it has in place, the positions of security cameras etc and even how and where the police might be setting up their presence there. What a giveaway to any terrorist group wanting to do the royal family and the nation harm.

Some years prior to the Good Friday agreement that brought the Irish 'troubles' to an end, the government told the media to cease giving terrorists the oxygen of publicity. Now I am not suggesting that such draconian methods would be right today, but surely there is a place for certain aspects of news to be played down, or even kept to the relevant authporities at least for the time being? What do you think?

Destruction in Paradise!

 We have had the joy of living and working in what many would describe as an island paradise. I am referring to Seychelles, a wonderful chain of fabulous islands in the Indian Ocean. We found the humidity and heat to be quite challenging but there were so many positive things to enjoy and even to marvel at. Thankfully there were no hurricanes in that part of the world, but there were occasional heavy storms of torrential rain.  My heart goes out, therefore, to the folk living in the chain of islands in the Caribbean which have been so badly hit this week by Atlantic storm Irma. Their glorious paradise has been turned into chaos and disaster by this huge storm and even lives have been lost in its destructive track.

It must be so hard to find a lovely homestead or other property being trashed by the powers of nature. The fear and dread among children and adults alike must be great, especially when evacuation is not as easy as it might appear on the US mainland. I am praying for those affected by Irma and all involved in rescue, recovery and repair, as there is another storm expected soon in that part of the world.

It seems to me that we need to realise that sometimes our dreams of paradise and a fabulous lifestyle on Earth surrounded by the warm waters of the Caribbean, may be just a pipe-dream. There will also probably be cruise liners taking shelter at this time, robbing the hopeful passengers of visits ashore in this blighted archipelago. But this is a much more normal understanding of life. In the most sublime of situations, dreadful storms can come and cause us so much pain. Whether through family upheaval or divorce, sickness and pain, redundancy or loss of meaningful work through retirement, our image of a great life can be spoiled in short order. This is one of the reasons why I have published at least 2 books on the subject of storms - Braving the Storm and Storm Force and am currently working on at least one more (After the Storm!)

Jesus led his first-century followers through many storms - quite literally on the changeable waters of the Sea of Galilee - teaching them that in the most awful storms threatening our lives and dreams, he wants to be with us and see us through. After 20 years of being struck repeatedly by one of the most painful illnesses it is possible to endure, Diane and I have proved again and again that life can be rebuilt, and even if not down here, there is a Paradise that awaits Christ followers that no storm can destroy.


 

I have been watching birds around our home lately and am really amazed at the freedom they have just to spread their wings and take off. Well, it's my 65th birthday today, and at the age when most people are winding down and retiring I just feel I have been given a new lease of life! Certainly, following the massive surgery of last June I have a real sense of being spared - there was a risk of death in the operation - and spared for a reason. So I'm going to say this day is my retyrement day - new tyres on an old vehicle ready for the start of a new journey.

Thank you so much all of you who have sent me good wishes and cards etc. In Diane's card to me she wrote this Bible passage: "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honour me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise".

So like the free bird pictured above, and despite the immense weakness I feel in my body after the op, I am stretching my wings today to catch the breath of God's Spirit, and prepare for the new things he alone can give us. How about you?

Strength from Weakness - the key to understanding the season you are in!

Apologies for not refreshing this blog recently as I have been at home trying to rest and recover from the massive surgery I had in Newcastle. My GP sent me an email with her own advice for this season.  She said "what you need now more than anything is rest, rest and more rest"! Wow - was she right, and it is so heard for a grown man to accept. The Professor warned me that my recovery may take 6 months to a year, but it is worth it all to know that I have no pancreas and no pain after 20 years of it! God is good and he has been so good to Diane and me during this season. Take a look at this passage from the New Testament book of 2 Corinthians 12:9. It pictures God speaking to those who follow him and receive his love. "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness".(The Message)

So - weakness is not wasted. It can be the forerunner of a whole new day in our lives if we will own up and embrace it. I feel as weak as a lamb just now but I know that it is the weakness of preparation, the fragility of fruitfulness. If you can identify with the way I feel, be encouraged. God is not finished with us yet!

Thanks for your prayers for my safe return from this major transplant surgery.  Please continue to pray that my recovery be effective in achieving in me all that God has planned for this season of rest.

Back from the Brink

We are back home again after 5 weeks in Newcastle-on-Tyne. I have had a massive operation in the International Transplant Centre there and am so grateful to Professor White and his team. This is the only place in Europe that offers this treatment. They operated on me for 16.5 hours non-stop and were able to remove my pancreas and spleen plus clean up my abdomen by repairing a tear in my duodenum. This space-age surgery was filmed by BBC 2 with interviews before and after and is to be the subject of a 90 minute documentary this coming Autumn. The Prof had not seen a pancreas in quite the state of mine, but having the disease for 20 years is the reason. The pancreas was like coal and they had to dig it out. Thankfully the islets of Langerhan (Google that if you want to know more) were able to be harvested in a nearby laboratory and then the Prof transplanted them into my liver where they are already chugging away producing insulin!

My week or more spent in ICU was very demanding and tough, as was the ward but now I am here with no pancreas, no pain, virtually no opiates, plus a healthy set of islets. Praise God! We both (Diane and I) felt that we were so lifted up on people's prayers, and all I can say is that we were recipients of amazing favour in answer to your praying! "Thank you" seems inadequate but it is heartfelt.

The awesome weakness that I feel might last for 3 to 6 months according to the team, or even longer due to my age. I need to learn to really rest and recover though it is all in a good cause. "To God be the glory, great things He has done".

Freedom spelt R_I_S_K

This is Kate, the open boat in which my father's Uncle Jack made his escape from Nazi occupied Guernsey in August 1943. His wife had left the island before the jackboot stamped on normally peaceful Guernsey, as she was expecting their first child. All the 7 people who made their bid for freedom faced a dreadful ordeal. Sailing the hundred miles or so in an open boat is one thing, dangerous enough, but with the channel seeded with mines and German E Boats and other warships patrolling their route it was almost foolhardy. But their risk paid off, and they arrived in England just as the war was beginning to turn the Allies' way. For them, freedom was spelt R_I_S_K! But then it often is. Sometimes the only way to escape enslavement in any realm is to take a risk and step out in an unknown but different direction.

On the 14th of June this year I will take a known and calculated risk to overcome a dreadful illness that has occupied far too much of my life over the past 20 years. I am not unaware of the dangers involved, nor am I wearing too rosy coloured spectacles as I view what life after the operation might be like. Expectations have to be realistic, tempered with reality. When Jack reached England he found that he had a baby son, but not a wife.  She had not survived to greet her escaping hero. But he was needed, and he also provided very welcome care to his young nephew, my father, who had been evacuated before the Occupation began. So my hope this month is not in the surgeons nor in my own ability to endure. My hope is in God, who loves me and gave his son Jesus for me. He has a good plan for my life, here and in eternity.

For each of us life's challenges will be different and unique. Whatever binds us and holds us back has to be faced with courage and faith in the call of God. Our own version of 'Kate' might seem just as frail and inadequate, but if we step out trusting in God and his love for us, we shall discover a degree of freedom and triumph over adversity that only those who take a risk can understand.

As you can imagine, I have a soft spot for 'Kate'.  If you want to see her she is outside the front door of the German Occupation Museum in the Forest, Guernsey.

Keep Calm and Trust God

This week has seen a lot of concern about so-called cyber attacks on NHS computers around the UK. Folk are genuinely worried that these may compromise care or delay treatment. Now I have no desire to minimise the dangerous implications of such 'malware' but I am fairly convinced by now that the NHS can manage to delay treatment in particular quite well enough without it! You may know that it is over a year now since I was passed fit to receive a major surgical operation in the UK, by a leading hospital and cutting-edge team, only to be delayed again and again. Thankfully, this week we have learnt that there is a strong possibility that I will receive this treatment in the second half of the month of June.

Learning to wait due to something that you know is serious and could affect your well-being or even endanger your life, is a very tough call. It has not been easy to go through this period of waiting without a rising panic in my mind, but it has been made possible by the grace of God and the encouragement of his word. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding" is one of the challenging Biblical verses that comes to our aid at times like this. "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You" is also a simple statement of fact for us as we grapple with the limits of our human understanding and the amazingly patient love of God. For God, being eternal, without beginning or end, does not need to explain himself to me as if my tiny brain could somehow contain his immortality and power.

Even if computer glitches worry us and make us fear that our future is out of control, or maybe that our own personal data may be 'out there' in cyberspace, wisdom tells us that there is nothing to gain by panic, and no benefit in rage. I am grateful that the log-jam blocking my surgery is moving now, but ultimately the doctors are not in charge, nor the IT specialists or even the hackers. My life is held by higher hands and I would not wish it any other way. Keep calm and Trust in God!

It's a "yes" from me!

I am not exactly inundated with high performance, high value cars, but if I was I'd be worried. It appears that thieves in the UK have developed a way of stealing these vehicles with apparent ease. They creep up to the owners dwelling in the dead of night, and by waving a device, held in a plastic bag, at the household's security camera, can somehow extend the range of the car's key fob and convince the motor that the thief has the necessary with which to start up! It seems that technology has gone mad here, both by equipping cars to drive without an ignition key or by devising a bag full of crafty deception devices.

The whole issue is one of consent. The thieves are pretending to have the right to drive away the car when they don't. They are creating an illusion of ownership that is costing owner's and insurance companies greatly. Using technology they are stealing what they have no right to even touch.

Jesus called Satan a thief and described him as one who has come to steal, kill and destroy.  These things are the very opposite of what Christ came to do, as he offers us life to the full (John 10:10). In this time of frustrated waiting and longing for surgery and freedom from pain, there are some precious things that I know my enemy would want to steal from me. My precious peace, my joy, my sense of being special to God and those I love, my ability to work and serve others - all these things mean more to me than any puny supercar. I must remain alert to every attempt to take these away.

This can only be done by consent - by a daily choice to make Jesus Lord and to go God's way and not my own. And to use the terminology of the Roman soldier from the Bible, I need to put on the armour of God every day in order to defeat the strategies of evil. As the thieves develop their techniques, we rely on God's protection 24 hours a day. There is no better device.

A Tomb with a View

There is a tomb at the centre of the Easter story. A place of cold grief and bitter tears. A real tomb for a really dead man, not just somewhere for a swooned imposter to await rescue by his fellow conspirators. This is God's tomb, where God the Son tasted death for me. This is the devil's best, an attempt to wipe out the catalogue of miracles and mercy that Jesus wrote in Galilee and substitute his own pathetic offering of "always look on the bright side" and "did God really say..?" doubt.

It doesn't really surprise me that Jesus rose from the dead. He is the Lord of life after all, the creator of all that lives. What is amazing is that the broken body of Jesus lay shattered in this grave for as long as it did. There are all kinds of ideas as to what Jesus might have been doing during those days and nights, but for me the great miracle of Easter is that God entered human broken-ness at its lowest and darkest. Smashed by evil men, bloodied, crushed and discarded, - "this is my body, broken for you".

And the view from the tomb of Jesus is magnificent. Its light casts a quick flicker of hope over a place of suffering and pain, Golgotha or Calvary, and slowly expands towards the brilliant dawn that is already starting to change the colours we see only through our tears. Yes, this is God's tomb, but much more than that - it is MY tomb as well. For, in the words of the Apostle Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ" (Galatians 2:20). The old me is dead and buried, and just as Jesus breaks forth from the tomb outside Jerusalem, so I am set free by Christ from self, from having to impress others, even from the fear of death itself.

I am grateful that God knows what it feels like to suffer and die, and be laid in a tomb by weeping loved ones. I am glad that he understands my pain, and yours, and that he comes to us on our 'silent Saturdays' and dark nights of the soul. But I'm also rejoicing that the tomb is no longer in use as a grave. The Lord of life and glory could not be held by those chains of death. 

And here's an offer you won't see in many catalogues - it can be YOUR tomb as well! "Oh thanks Eric" I can hear you say "that's all I need on top of everything else I am suffering". But that's the whole point, this tomb is the place where you can lay your sufferings down, and your achievements, and stop trying to impress God and others. You can be identified with Jesus in His death also, and rise with Him to a completely new life! It may be Easter Saturday, but hey - Sunday's coming!

Have a very happy Easter!

Our Road - in the Middle...

Our road is, in the words of a well-known worship song, “a road marked with suffering where there’s pain in the offering” (1). You might not think so, as Guernsey’s semi-rural roads are studded with pretty homes and bungalows, where no two are the same in design, and not one of them would give you much change out of half a million pounds. But fragrant gardens and granite surrounds with spotless drives lead to front doors that speak of beauty before functionality, and certainly welcome over any kind of security. Neighbours greet each other warmly, and life is never dull around here while you have a window. Dog-walking regulars and school-bound pram-pushers pass each other with warm greetings and the polite “after you” “no-after you!” that oils the passing of the day, not just their journey. Most days, and certainly weekends, will see horses and their riders as the only traffic in the road, their exhausts providing heaps of nurturing manure for the quick witted, bucket in hand, rose tenderers.

But our road is in pain. From the end of the road at the beach-front, back to our house and via the local shop, folk hesitate in their busy days to enquire after the well-being of loved ones. A neighbour’s father died last weekend, and his mother is in care with dementia. A wealthy pair who own most of the properties on one side of the road, are both in dementia or after-stroke care. Recently it seems that in almost every other home there has been a crisis, couples have been yelling at one another and have separated, and tragically, three or four more have been diagnosed with life-limiting illness, mainly cancer.

Of course, that’s not the whole story in our little idyll. A sweet new family is moving in next door, having bought the large old house that served as a home for my wife and her parents over decades. So, our road may be much like pretty much any other when you peel back the curtains and peer behind the outer facades. And at the corner is our church, Vazon Church. For more than a century its doors have been open wide to receive the pain-wracked and broken in our district, and the newcomers and those just seeking somewhere to meet others and make deep friendships. And I thank God that it is there. And this Easter it will proclaim again a God who knows what happens behind our doors and yet loves us unconditionally. The cross is our sign of His care. Whether well, or struggling with life’s apparent unfairness, it stands witness to a loving Saviour.

1.       1. Matt Redman, Blessed Be Your Name Lyrics, from Sing Like Never Before: The Essential Collection, MetroLyrics.

Farewell to a Great Friend

Sunset over Guernsey's famous west coast - at Cobo to be precise. It was near here that my long-time close friend David Tinnion and his lovely wife Bobbie, stayed the last time I saw them. They were in the island to help out in the church where I was the Pastor and where my chronic ill health was making it hard for me to continue. I recall the words of an old hymn that seem appropriate to that time "he to the fight and to the rescue came!" I know that the hymn writer was talking about Christ, but then the Lord Jesus Christ could be seen so clearly in my friend David. Now, he has gone to be with his Lord and mine, and I, for one among many thousands, am going to miss him.

David and I first met when he came to my home church as a young Bible student to look after the church during the pastor's holiday. I was struck then by his deep passion for the Lord and the gospel. His favourite phrase will be mentioned by many, I'm sure. "Only one life, 'twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last". Those words had burned their way into the heart of the young David as they were spoken to him by his blind father. They make no finer inscription for any kind of earthly memorial because they became his motivating passion for most of his seventy years.

David's life was not all sunshine without shadow, but then, all sunshine makes a desert! One such dark time was prolonged and awful, and almost took him from us then. But into David's life and the ministry he was yet to fulfill, stepped Bobbie nee Marcus, the dynamic yet self-effacing other half of this story. Diane and I are praying for Bobbie right now and if you know her, so will you.

The great thing about a sunset is that as the shadows lengthen and the daylight slips away, just beyond the horizon a whole new day is dawning. People waiting there, like loved-ones straining to see the coming of their friend, will cry out "here he comes!" Our loss is their gain.  Our sunset over Cobo speaks of dawn in the land of everlasting light.

Goodnight my friend.  See you in the morning.

Set free from the tyranny of being fine.

Now, as a bloke I don't like to use the word 'fragile' about anything that involves me. Men are supposed to be 'fine mate' or 'yeah, great thanks' when responding to any greeting. But I am gradually being set free from the tyranny of having to be fine all the time.  In fact, during the last couple of weeks things have been mostly decidedly down and pretty painful really.

I won't bore you with the details but simply say that this week I have found real help in the ancient hymnbook of the Jewish people - the book of Psalms. I am not going to add much to it, but just set out some of Psalm 6 for you here.  Read it as a kind of prayer and insert your own unique 'enemy' or challenges into the dotted line.

Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.  I am sick at heart. How long, O LORD, until you restore me?  Return, O LORD, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love.  I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of ..............(your own issues)all my enemies. Go away, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD will answer my prayer. May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. May they suddenly turn back in shame. (New Living Trans.)

You get the drift?  So if, like me, you just don't know what to say when someone asks how you are, and you can't say 'fine' but know that they don't really want a blow by blow account of your day/week, why not admit 'fragile'and hold on to the Book of Psalms like a life-line.

4 Keys to Waiting Well.

I think I am discovering the reason why people waiting for medical care in this country are called 'patients' - it's because patience is the one asset we are going to need again and again! I am on a long pathway of care that has kept me waiting for major surgery for many months now and shows no sign of coming to an end soon. This time last year I received the welcome news that full funding for this surgery has been approved by my local health authority. Getting to that point alone seemed like a miracle, but not one that happened quickly. I am grateful for the faithful support of family and praying friends who have not given up on me yet, and who encourage me to 'hang in there' when the waiting seems to be overpowering me. Here are some of the helpful tips I have received and I hope they may assist you if you are waiting for a longtime for your prayers to be answered:
1. Occupy your mind as much as you can. This is diversion therapy and can really help us if we engage with it. The Bible says of the final return of Christ that his people should 'occupy themselves until he comes'.. another of those bits of wisdom that we thought were new but prove to be centuries old in God's Word.
2. Believe that you are Special and not Forgotten. I find the hardest part of waiting can be the fear that those who may be responsible for our care have forgotten us.We may have good grounds for thinking like this when we see in the media about people abandoned on trolleys and even left in linen cupboards by over-stressed health-care workers. But God has not forgotten us.  He has engraved (or tattooed) our names on the palms of his hands.  In fact, in the Bible God says that even if our father and mother forget us - he will never let us go.
3. Avoid Negative Stuff like the plague! I know that I have to guard my intake, especially of media, books, magazines etc that feed my fears and not my faith. I am having to turn off the TV much more than I used to.  Don't be lured into watching nihilistic, negative and nasty programming like much of the soaps and even some documentaries. Choose your intake wisely and make room for the promises of God. You may even have to be choosy about the people you hang out with.
4. Remember that God's in charge - not the devil nor the doctors, and certainly not me! When we place our hands in the hand of the one who stilled the storms on Lake Galilee we can trust in his love for us. There is not one tiny jot of abusive intent in his love. He will see us through, in his time not ours.

When Simply Trusting is the Hardest Thing to do...

There are times in each one of our lives when we need to let go and learn to trust the loving watch and caring presence of a good God in heaven. When our son learned to ride his bike without stabilisers we were on holiday in France. A small village concrete playground provided the ideal venue for teaching him to ride the little bike we had squeezed into our car and taken on the ferry. All was well while the extra little training wheels were in place, but there came a sea-change when I decided the time was right to take them off. The only way I could do it was to assure Matthew that I would be holding on to the back of the bike. "Off he went.." would be an exaggeration for the timid, tottering, try-it-if-you-dare kind of movement that ensued.  It is so hard to learn to balance the bike, pedal and find the way forward whilst at the same time constantly checking behind you that Dad is still holding the back of the bike! In the end there was no other way to grow and develop into the confident cyclist he and we wanted him to be.. he made his choice and took his eyes off me and looked ahead. And "off he went" for at least 20 meters, shouting out all the time "I'm doing it, Dad, I'm doing it!"

You simply can't live this challenging thing called the life of faith by constantly checking that God is still there and that he hasn't let you go. At some point you have to quit checking and choose to believe. Only I could make the choice when to let go because, of the two of us, only I had the maturity, experience and faith to stand back and risk him falling off. Only he could make the choice to trust me and grow.

Now the tables have turned and I am the child again. Not this time wanting to ride a bike but facing other kinds of growth challenges. I have a terrifying, dreadfully painful illness that could flare up at any time really, and kill me in hours. I live with a time-bomb inside me. Now the Professor who could operate to take it out of my body, says that there are problems, not of his making nor mine, that are preventing that surgery for the time being. I ask you to please pray with me for the political blockage to be removed and for the delay to end. But I also ask you to pray, that you and I both, will learn that checking whether God is real and fretting that he might let go by mistake and at our cost is no way to grow. "Lord, please help me to trust you when trusting is the hardest thing to do".

I may only be the possessor of what the Bible calls "fledgling faith" (sometimes translated as O ye of little faith) but I only need a tiny bit to make it through life's toughest challenges. Jesus said that faith the size of the smallest of garden seeds - the mustard seed - is enough to move mountains, but at least I'm growing, and who knows where this faith will take me in the days and years to come.

Lessons from a Christmas Baby

Christmas has come around again and then the weeks of advertising it and the days of frenzy preparing for it will be ended. I hope that you will have a few moments to yourself and take stock of what this season of the year is all about. God has come down to live with us in the form of a baby boy. The miracles that are associated with Jesus in his later life, and even the raising of the dead, all pale into insignificance in the light of this great mystery - that the Creator God should confine himself to the form of this little child and live among us.

"Mild he lays his glory by,
Lives that man may never die
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth!"

Some years ago I was a Pastor serving a church on the south coast of England. Every year, just about Christmas, a little family would turn up at the church asking me to dedicate (christen) their new little baby. Johnny and his crew were travelers, Gypsy folk, who hove to in our town annually so that the minister could pray over their latest arrival! One year, I held the little one in my arms, and shared with Johnny and his family my hope that one day, when she is of age, she might accept the Lord Jesus for herself as Lord and Saviour. Well, something must have touched Johnny's heart, because on Christmas day he was back again in the building. This time he waited till the end of my sermon, and when I invited anyone present who wanted to commit their lives to Jesus Christ, maybe for the first time, Johnny was the first one at the front, head bowed and with tears in his eyes. That Christmas Day Johnny Sparks became a believer, and through a little baby, another tough heart had melted.

Just like the shepherds really - the night shift outside Bethlehem. They were ordinary men, quite tough too, but their hearts were melted as they bowed and worshipped the tiny babe. And the wise men, drawn from their intellectual pursuits to make this baby the object of their adoration and pilgrimage. And what about you? Will you come and bow before the baby who became a man and died to save all those who would believe and trust him? Why not? Why not now? Why not you?

Have a really happy Christmas!

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Most folk who have driven over long distances in either the UK or the nearby European mainland,with children in the back, will be all too well acquainted with this question. "Are we there yet?" In fact, over a long journey, it could drive you crazy if you let it! Repeated queries as to when something big or exciting is going to happen is a very human thing, but it’s also child-like. God calls us to live as His children, and there is room in our relationship with God for excitement, anticipation and hope. The Bible tells us that God Himself is a “God of Hope” (Romans 15:13) so He invented the idea of expectant joy.

The word “enthusiasm” derives from the Latin term meaning “having a god within”. Well, that’s what Christmas is all about isn’t it? God coming to us in the form of a little child. Not "a god" but "the God" in astounding vulnerability and humility. Jesus was God’s perfect gift chosen with just you and me in mind. Mind you – as with all gifts – we need to receive it with gratitude. Then, if it’s electric, we must switch it on. Not much point just being all excited but not receiving and using the gift, is there?

Christmas Day is coming and the whole Western world seems to be champing at the bit for it to arrive. When it does come, though, the day will be over quite quickly, but the process of opening and receiving God's amazing gift can take a lifetime. Joseph was told by the angel "Mary will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

Are we there yet? Well, very nearly!  

"Carpe Diem" means taking life in small steps.

Life is best taken in small chunks. One day at a time may have been a great song title, but it's not the whole story. In reality one step at a time may be nearer to the mark, and a far greater challenge. "Carpe Diem" literally means "pluck the day" but is best translated as "seize the moment". Yesterday is gone, never to be repeated. Tomorrow may never be ours to enjoy. So seize the moment and live in it to the full. A young father and husband I know lies desperately ill in the Intensive Care Unit, his life in the balance. Each heartbeat is precious. Every breath to be treasured as a gift. I pray daily for his recovery.

This can, of course, work in two different ways. One may lead to a profligate lifestyle, saying "ah well, blow the future, I'm just going to enjoy myself today". But the Bible tells us to number our days and be careful how we spend them, always seeking the kingdom of God and his righteousness. It also shows us that our lives are like a tale that has been told, just a breath on a windy day. We need to make every moment count.

I took a small step forward this week in that the results of a liver biopsy show that the state of my liver should not adversely affect the chances of a successful main operation to remove my pancreas etc and transplant part of it into my liver. It is so hard to wait for the next step. Every time the phone rings I jump thinking it might be the Professor or his secretary. I find a day to be quite a long time when you are waiting for answered prayer. It stretches out interminably, especially when pain or other symptom prevents much activity. Learning to be grateful for the small step taken this week, and then trust God for the next one is the challenge facing me today, and possibly you too.

Angel of the North

We leave tomorrow for yet another trip to the north of the UK for medical help. Getting there involves two flights to cover the 450 miles or so. The stop-over means a journey time of around three to four hours if there are no delays. I will be admitted onto the liver transplant ward at the Freeman Hospital for a liver biopsy to be taken on Thursday morning. This is one of the most prestigious units in the country for anything to do with the liver, pancreas etc. At the top of the nearby old main road to the area stands the Angel of the North statue, a contemporary sculpture, designed by Antony Gormley.

Completed in 1998, it's a steel sculpture 20 metres (66 ft) tall, with wings measuring 54 metres (177 ft) across. The wings do not stand straight sideways, but are angled 3.5 degrees forward; Gormley did this to create "a sense of embrace".

As I continue along the road that will lead, hopefully, to a new start for me, I am not particularly impressed with modern art, but I am distinctly aware of a sense of embrace. Firstly, Diane will be with me. The BBC have been doing some research recently into what constitutes beauty.  Well they can stop right there, because I am embraced by one of the most loyal, kind, selfless and caring of people I know, whose smile can light up a whole hospital ward! Then we are supported by the prayers of so many. Yet the greatest reassurance comes from that which is described by the hymn writer as "the love that will not let me go".  Now that is some embrace.

News has just reached us of the passing into heaven of a dear friend and fervent evangelist, Peter Jackson. Peter was in our home not many months ago when he made one of his frequent visits to Guernsey. Peter was totally blind from infancy but his gift at playing the piano was superb and deeply moving. Listen to Peter's dynamic playing behind the spoken intro to a DVD of his life and ministry, and then the very thrilling crescendo - speaking of heaven the lyrics ask "Is this the crowning day?" Well, for Peter it is, and may his amazing life's story move each of us to be ready likewise for our own call into eternity. I have been able to order this DVD from Christian Faith Ministries at http://www.cfmscotland.com/acatalog/All.html

Simply the Best

I was sipping tea, still in bed, waiting for the 8am news to come on my local radio station. Out of my tiny radio came the glorious chant of Tina Turner singing "Simply the Best". Wow, I always love the refrain of that song, if not all the lyrics. Then came the news and within seconds I was in despair for the world in which we live. One of the presidential candidates hoping to be elected to become 'the leader of the free world' as some describe the office, Donald Trump, has exceeded all the dismal things he is alleged to have done. I listened to a scandalous and disgraceful recording, which he has now said was a true record of what he felt about women in 2005 and for which he has apologised. The other candidate, of course, Hilary Clinton, will be delighted with this piece of dirt-digging by her team and is crowing her horror, whist overlooking claims that allege that she should be in jail and not on the presidential trail for her past wrongdoings.

This came on top of another story which reported that two leaders of a growing and well-supported political party in the UK were reduced to a bout of physically slugging it out at the European parliament. This unseemly joust ended with one of the MEP's in hospital - the one offering himself as leader of the party!  Is there anybody worthy of being followed any more? Are the two US presidential candidates 'simply the best' available in the USA? Does UKIP have a future in government if its leaders behave this way?

I mentioned the lyrics in Tina Turner's famous song, as some fail to charm me, but I am very taken with these lines "You're simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone, anyone I ever met.' For me, these words speak of Jesus Christ, the one I follow without fear of being disillusioned. There was not one ounce of corruption in him that his enemies could point out, however deeply they dug. The record of his life, penned by a man who watched him closely for at least 3 years night and day, was that he - Jesus - was without sin (1 Peter 2:22).

Now that's simply the best and he gets my vote! But we need to pray for America and Europe in their leadership famine, and ask God to raise up leaders worthy of respect.

Some Action at Last!

We are so grateful for the praying and caring of so many dear friends and supporters. Many of you have been aware that I have been waiting for a long time now to hear about a treatment plan that involves a very major operation including an element of transplantation. We have been to Newcastle three times in the last year and most recently went for scans and tests. Anyway, we had a really helpful conversation today with the Professor who leads the team and he is really hopeful they will be able to operate before Christmas.  I know we have been at that point before when we actually came within a fortnight of an op-date, 23rd June, when it was cancelled because of concerns about safety in the light of how very ill I had been over Easter etc. This time, the delay is because there are question marks over whether my liver will be well enough to sustain the Islets of Langerhan (that control insulin) once they have been recovered from the removed pancreas, as they plan to transplant them into the liver.

So, we have to go back to Newcastle once again quite soon for liver tests (Diane always comes with me as I don't think I would make the trip without her help, and I certainly could not face anything traumatic without her at my side). Sincere thanks to those of you who have helped us on all these trips in all kinds of ways, not least of all, prayer and intercession.  We are still holding on to our promise text from 1 Peter 5:10 "After you have suffered a little while our God, who is full of kindness through Christ.. will personally come and pick you up.. and make you stronger than ever". We feel that is what God has said to us and it is the basis of our confidence, because the promises of God are "Yes" and "Amen" to those who trust him. I know that may appear naive to some, but it has sustained us through some very low times as I set out in my first book "Braving the Storm" which is still available from me or Amazon if you have not read it yet.

When Waiting is the Hardest thing to do.

Just about everything in the old prophet's life had let him down. 'Habakkuk' is a tough name to be landed with anyway (imagine how that would have gone down when you were at school!) but the passing of the years had not been kind to him. Surveying all his assets one morning and recognising the reality of his loss, he penned words that have given generations to follow a language to express their pain, their determination and hope.

 He wrote: "Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Saviour." (Hab. 3:17-18)

Habakkuk was a man waiting for better days - which he knew were coming because of the promises God had made him - but in this 'in-between time' he knew that he had to keep his spirit clear of resentment and find rest for his soul. Bitterness due to his loss would only be like eating his own skeleton and would leave him a shapeless jelly, unable to make good decisions or to cope with the pressure of the day. So he wandered up to the high place where he had created a space to stand before God and he cried - not in anger or regret, but in worship and surrender.

It's a funny day for me today. I am still waiting for the surgical team in Newcastle to make a decision as to whether they can help me or whether the massive surgery might be too dangerous for me.  All we seem to do these days is wait! But in the waiting I was so encouraged to read these verses in today's page in the reading notes Encounter by Scripture Union where Alison Lo looks at these very verses in Habakkuk and sums them up so brilliantly. "Amid the raging storm, the prophet has grown from restless doubt to deathless faith; from protesting anger to quiet contentment".

Lord - grant me that attitude today, that grace to sustain me in waiting, and that calm assurance in knowing, in the midst of the barrenness, that You are silently planning for me in love. Amen

Going for Gold

The amazing efforts of all medal-winning athletes and sportsmen and women is filling our TV screens and dominating our newspapers at the time of writing. Rio 2016 is proving to be a good year for our Team GB, now second in the long list of medal winning nations. But repeated over and over is the mantra that these Games are only the tiny summit of a huge mountain of training, preparation and commitment. I was listening to an interview on BBC Radio 4 this morning and heard a remarkable few sentences from one of the coaches working with the British Cycling team and Sir Bradley Wiggins in particular. He said that without commitment of the highest order, none of these participants would go home with a medal.

Commitment is what gets them up every morning long before the rest of us, to train, exercise and prepare. Then, after a full days work in most cases, it is their high level of commitment to achieve their Olympic gold, that gets them out to train in the evenings also. It must be a lonely road in order to prepare properly for these few days of competition, as others may not share or appreciate the single minded devotion to their sport that they must show.

One of the early leaders of the Christian faith urged those who follow Christ to recognise that they are in a race or are competing to win in life.  Winning may not have the glamour of the Olympic podium or win the applause of others, but it will only happen when a life is lived with a clear-cut commitment to a cause outside of oneself. Maybe we need a commitment check-up right now?

We have seen the look of utter exhaustion but also of ecstasy on the faces of medal winners as they meet the goal for which they have been committed for so long. I wonder what our faces would reflect if we are truly committed to do God's will and serve his purpose in our time? In fact, I wonder what our churches would look like where a majority shared a level of commitment that would not settle for second best?  I may be down at the moment, like Mo Farah in the final of the 10,000 meters, but I am determined not to stay down! The glint of life's greatest gold beckons me on!

Honey from the Rock

"He's as hard as a rock!" is a well-known comparison and descriptive phrase. So is "between a rock and a hard place" as a way of saying that times are tough and options are very limited. Living as I do, on an island made of fabulous granite rocks, I am well aware of their enormous hardness and impervious make-up. Can anything good flow from a rock?

In the ancient hymnal of the Jewish people there is a song/psalm which suggests that rocks can be more than a good foundation - they can also be the source of sweetness and joy!  Psalm 81:16 portrays God speaking "with honey from the rock I would satisfy you". Each day I enjoy reading the daily devotion in the Psalms written by Timothy Keller and his wife Kathy called 'My Rock My Refuge' and this is the set Psalm for today the 19th July. New York pastor Timothy Keller is known for his ability to connect a deep understanding of the Bible with contemporary thought and the practical issues we all face in our lives. Mr Keller says that this idea that sweetness flows from hardness crops up several times in the Bible.  Samson experienced this when he killed an attacking lion and then, some time later, was able to eat honey from the carcass (Judges 14:18). For Christians, the significance of the cross is that out of the hardness of being crucified, as Jesus was, life and forgiveness flow to satisfy the needs of all who believe.

This concept of receiving honey from an impossibly hard place has sustained and helped me for a long time now. I am "between a rock and a hard place" in the circumstances of my long battle with serious illness. But, despite that, I feel the comfort of knowing that God is with me and wants daily to feed me with the spiritual nourishment of hope, peace and the joy of forgiveness, no matter how hard the rock gets.

Your rock will be very different to mine, because each of us is unique, but be assured today that God wants to slip you something really good even from the very thing that threatens to flatten you.

A 'Remainer' Reflects on the Referendum Vote

Change can be unnerving. Britain faces a massive change following the referendum vote this week in which a small majority voted to leave the European Union. So the UK and the EU will go their separate ways and nobody can foretell what the outcome of that choice will be for good or ill. After more than 40 years of entanglement with the European project under its various names or formats, it will not be easy to find wriggle-room and pull away. The tendrils of the EU will surely be with the UK for a few years to come while this divorce takes place. Some people fear the whole process and are worrying about what is to become of their future now.

One thing is clear - there will be no going back from this vote. The decision taken this week will now determine the UK's direction for the foreseeable future and beyond. Our children and grandchildren will feel the outcome for good or ill. So, how should a Christian react to these critical events?

Fear is never healthy or helpful in our lives, no matter what is causing the heart to be afraid. That's why the Bible tells us 'don't be afraid' 365 times - once for every day and a spare one for leap years! God is still on His throne and does not plan to vacate it soon, whatever votes may be taken on earth. The Bible also teaches us that He has a plan for us that is for our good (Jeremiah 29:11 'I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord - 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!'). This knowledge has been a mainstay for me through all the troubles I have seen, and I believe it can also help you to overcome fear.

This is also the time for us to increase our fervent intercession and prayer for the leaders and potential leaders of the UK. It is rightly said that evil triumphs when good people do nothing, and we need to pray for the nation now more than ever.

Our little island of Guernsey has done very well outside the EU (as one French foreign ministry spokesperson acknowledged this week) and the UK can do so too. Now, more than ever though, we need the peace of God that passes all understanding to keep hearts secure through a time of change, and a sincere trust in the living God who wants to guide us all, whether in or out of the EU.

Dealing with Disappointment

Waiting is never easy. It can cause immense disappointment when you get 'psyched up' to have a major operation, for instance, and then it is postponed. That's the situation I am in now and it is really tough to handle.Our working-up visit to Newcastle went well, and after seeing people in 9 different areas in 3 different hospitals it really seemed that the op. booked to take place on June 23rd 2016 would go ahead as planned. I was dreading the surgery but really hoping for the new start it could well give me, - and then suddenly - STOP - well you can imagine how I felt. Apparently I am not sufficiently recovered from the acute attack that put me in hospital for 3 weeks after Easter to allow the Professor to proceed as scheduled. Now, instead of going for it next week, we will have to have scans in August and subject to those showing marked improvement, the surgery could take place in September.

Some few years ago I was asked to lead a seminar at Elim Bible Week on the subject of "Dealing with Disappointment"!  Well this week, in the spirit of the old saying "physician, heal thyself!" I have been dusting down my notes for that seminar and reading them again. I said then that among the weapons that we have to help us cope with disappointment is learning to trust that God is in charge and is working out some unseen but beneficial plan for us in love. I quoted the famous prayer of Reinhard Niebuhr:
'God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference'.  My disappointment is certainly in the camp of 'things I cannot change' and I need to let go and let God have his way in my life.

Another thing that can help in this fierce battle with disappointment is learning to embrace mystery, and along with it, the power of stillness and rest. It's not that I am worked up about this - amazingly I feel quite at peace about it - but that is something I have to choose and work at each day of the long waiting period.

So if you are disappointed, I hope that you might find help in what I am sharing here today, and the realisation that although these things do happen for us, Jesus is not a disappointment and he has "got our back" and is silently planning for us in love.

Trekking North for Breakthrough.

We are setting off for Newcastle-upon-Tyne in the north of England this evening as we prepare for a few days of tests, meetings and discussions that may well lead to a major operation in about four weeks time. This statue is of the 'Angel of the North' and we are really glad that the Lord of the north is going before us! Why Newcastle?  Well it is the only place in Britain now that offers the surgery that I need - a total pancreatectomy with transplanting of the islets of Langerhans into my liver! Wow - space age stuff eh?

I confess to being very nervous even of these few days, but I do feel a settled peace in my heart, and it is so important in life to 'follow your peace'. Getting the funding for this operation was a miracle of answered prayer in itself, and so this is just the next step in a long journey that we hope and pray will lead to a better day.

Thanks for being with us in prayer as we make this journey.

This motivational text was used by the UK government during the Second World War in an effort to raise the people's morale at a time of great distress.  Enemy bombs were raining on some major cities and the young people of the nation were losing their lives in huge numbers at the front. There were food shortages and evacuations such as only those who have had the misfortune to live through a war can know, and the desire of the country's leaders was to try and get folk not to panic.

Recently this same slogan has returned as a decoration for mugs, tea-cloths and wall hangings, and this has had the effect of trivialising the words so that they have almost lost their power, but recently I have come to understand them in a brand new way. You see, I have found out that the fear of something can be almost as bad, and sometimes even worse, than the thing happening itself. As this has come about I have had to re-learn the wisdom of the old adage and "keep calm and carry on!"

I am facing major surgery once again, probably about the tenth time, although there have been more than thirty 'surgical procedures' each of which has been fraught with danger and pain. But, this is the big one!  An op that the professor described as 'the mother of all operations' awaits me in about a month, that has the potential to end my two decades of battling crippling pain and illness. But - I am really afraid and I don't mind admitting to it! I know that God is with me and that He will guide the surgeon's hands, but I'm only human and have had rather too much of this particular trial thank you. So, I have decided to live as if I am at war - fighting fear and the negative thoughts that assail me.  I recall the Bible verse that says 'take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ' (2 Cor. 10:5). What I face is terrifying but I am determined to "keep calm and carry on" trusting in Christ to see me through. Praising God and keeping the powder dry you might say!

Lessons from Weakness

Sorry to have missed out on blogging for a while. Things have been a bit tough for me recently. In the last month or so I have spent 3 weeks in hospital with a vicious attack of acute pancreatitis on top of chronic pancreatitis. This has also involved a tangle with ascending cholangitis (nothing to do with the colon - this is an infection of the bile ducts and/or liver) and left me with pleurisy in both lungs and a partially collapsed lung. I just wanted to say all that to show that I haven't been lazing around all day taking it easy! It has been particularly difficult this time because of the problem of physical weakness just when I need to be strong for the possible major transplant op planned for this summer in the UK. But also because I want to encourage you if you also are passing through a time of weakness for any other reason. This too shall pass.

I think it's a man-thing not to want to own up to any weakness. We blokes like to see ourselves as immune to frailty or fragility of any type and it is so hard to become dependent upon the kindness of nurses and relatives to be able to meet even the basic demands of the day or night. My time in hospital has given me insight into the awful frustration that men and women feel when they become overtaken by weakness. All I can say is that I believe that this experience will not be wasted, and that it can have a really formative effect on our soul, our faith and our experience of God. When we place our weak hand in his powerful grip then despite our weakness we can learn, develop and grow spiritually.  That's why the apostle Paul said "When I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:10).

One of the ancient prophets of Israel, a guy called Habbakuk, once went against the grain of the myth that says if you are a reasonably good person then you should enjoy success, wealth and strength. He wrote: "Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights". (Hab.3:17-19)

The Scan that Reveals All!

Home again at last! After nearly a week in hospital I am so glad to be able to lie in my own bed again. Tho' it be e'er so humble there's no place like home! My days and nights of restless struggle in hospital were made more bearable due to the presence in the next bed to me of a dear friend. We did not chat much - neither of us were well enough for that - but as we both attend the same church and have a similar taste for peace and quiet, I enjoyed his company and know that he did mine. I hope that he is better now and can go home soon also.

During my stay it was necessary for me to be given a CT scan once again. This powerful and searching experience reveals so much to the medical team that can't be discerned by other examinations. This scan was key to understanding why my pain has got so much worse recently. It made me aware, though, if I had forgotten, that God sees who we really are, and not what we might like them to see or think about us. There is a searching and knowing process that is undertaken by God's all-seeing spirit, and He knows us better than we know ourselves. In the Psalms King David prayed "search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Ps 139:23-24)

I hope that my scan will be a step forward in my treatment and contribute to my healing. God's scan may reveal negative and unhelpful issues in our hearts, but He is still the great physician, and through the power of all that Christ has done for us that first Easter of the Christian era, "one touch from the King changes everything". Why not pray like David and invite a spiritual scan of your heart also? It might well be the key that unlocks your healing too.

A great warrior receives his reward.

This week a great warrior for the Christian faith died. Jerry Bridges, the author who challenged more than a million readers to take seriously God’s command for holiness, died on Sunday at 86. His best known book was "The Pursuit of Holiness" but to me he will always be remembered for penning the book that radically changed my life and thinking, Trusting God with the subtitle "even when life hurts". My life was really starting to hurt when I first picked up that book in 1997. It was the start of twenty years of agonising pain and frequent hospital admissions. This book, and the issues that it dared to raise, became a real source of strength to me.

Now the book represents a theology that not all will find easy to swallow or follow. But in it, Bridges asked some powerful questions like: "Can you really trust God when adversity strikes and fills your life with pain?" or "Do you have such a relationship with God and such a confidence in Him that you believe He is with you in your adversity even though you do not see any evidence of His presence and His power?".

If you don't love the Bible more than all the philosophies of men: if you don't treasure the things of God more than all the glittering gadgetry of the age in which we live - then don't ever read this book.  But, if you do read any of Jerry Bridges' work, you will be impressed with the writings of a man convinced that God is always in control, and that His ways are the best for us despite the limits of our understanding. A very humane and humble man, Jerry Bridges blessed my life and the lives of countless others I'm sure. Now he is entering the eternal reward that waits for all who trust God, even when life hurts.

The Power of Good News!

I had an amazing experience this week of the power of good news to lift your spirits and give you victory over pain and despair. I was lying on the settee at home around midday on Tuesday when the phone rang. My plan had been to try and get to our doctor’s surgery, or maybe even A & E at the local hospital due to the pain that I was in.  The phone call, however, was from our son who lives away from us, to say that he and his wife had just welcomed our new grand-daughter into the world!

You can imagine our joy and enthusiasm for this wonderful gift.  We knew, of course, that a baby was coming, but not its gender nor the actual day, but just a tad early the little girl was born and mother and baby are doing well.  This good news surged through me like an injection! I did telephone the doctor for advice on the phone about pain control doses etc but my whole condition perked up at the news I heard.

I am still physically unwell and in pain, but the power of good news and the birth of a baby overcame it temporarily at least. And this is the heart of the gospel – the good news of God!  His Son was born for our salvation and healing and the great news of his coming should be spread everywhere. Each place it comes and is received by faith, the good news will do its rejuvenating work. “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!”