Baby Steps to Freedom

 

As Covid restrictions ease and, at least legally, end completely in Guernsey after February 17th, and in the UK a couple of weeks later, there will be some of us feeling a bit nervous. The two-year long battle against this unseen but potentially deadly foe has taken its toll on us all, whether we have had Covid or not. Some have lost loved ones whilst many have been shielding, afraid of going out. We are grateful for one of the best vaccination records in the world and for all the care and oversight of our medical and Public Health teams, but it feels strange to be coming out of this pandemic with hundreds of cases in our islands and lots of new ones being discovered each day.

Taking baby steps out of the pandemic is a challenge to our faith, our hope, and our love. Our faith because we must choose not to let fear dominate us in the aftermath of all we have been through. Our trust in God means that we need to heed the many ‘fear nots’ in the Bible (some say that there are 366 – one for every day of the year and one for a leap year) and choose to be grateful for the amazing grace that has seen us through thus far and will take us forwards. Faith in our dedicated public health and medical teams is also well founded given their track record. And hope, because ultimately our hope is in God, his faithfulness, and his promises. The opposite of hope is despair and no good ever came out of that, so we don’t want to go there. Keeping a positive and hopeful attitude can see us through the most appalling difficulties if we put our trust in God, so as we climb up the other side of this viral valley it is needed more than ever.

Love means that we recognise that not everybody is travelling out of this pandemic at the same speed. Some feel very unsure, vulnerable, and uncertain, while others are bruised by grief, financial hardship, and loss. We can help one another by respect and patience and by simple words of encouragement that can lift a heavy load. Faith, hope and love may be the three main virtues of the Christian faith, but they make good sense for people of all faiths or of none as we move into the uncharted waters of recovery from a devastating global pandemic.

A tsunami of kindness and a wave of hope? Where did that come from?

There is a strange stirring in my heart this Good Friday in the 2020 Corona lock-down. Beneath the sadness and frustration that we cannot be out in the sunshine there is a glimmer of something hopeful. A dawn of different thinking, maybe of new attitudes and actions too. What could this be?

• Hope? What for - the end of the pandemic? A vaccine? Not just those glorious things, though I feel sure that they will come. My hope is in God, his faithfulness, his promises, his unchanging grace. After all, it's Friday, but thank God Sunday's coming! Jesus who died rose again on the third day and is alive today. 
• Kindness? It is happening. I am seeing the green shoots of a tsunami of kindness. A million volunteers offering to brave the front-line of the virus to assist the NHS and care services around Britain. Doctors and nurses putting themselves in danger to save others - the spirit of Calvary in action - in some cases dying because of their service. Others unable to go home due to a vulnerable person in their household.
• Community? Crowds of people last evening in my road standing outside together (2 metres apart!) to applaud all who are serving on the front-line against this scourge. And as we exercise, isn't there a new sense of closeness to those we pass? Not so much averting their gaze now - more of a sense of 'we're all in this together'.  And after all the dreadful division of Brexit at last the political language has moderated. A new unity? Well, maybe that's a bit soon to say, but we do feel that we are striving against a common enemy, and not demonising others for their differing viewpoints.
• Faith? Come on - be honest. There is a small fire burning in hearts that have been cold and faith-dead or years. Of course the questions come - 'why?' 'where is God in all this?' - and that's right, but folk are feeling spiritually peckish again. There is food to be had. Our own church at Vazon Elim in Guernsey is seeing 5 times the number of people tuning in to our Livestream services than would normally be in the building. Worship and witness have taken to the airwaves and burst into new life!

So, on the Easter weekend, let's thank God for the seeds of hope, kindness, community and faith, and then water them with our prayers. As Her Majesty the Queen said; 'We will meet again'. May it be soon, Lord!

Strong Protection for Times of Crisis

This is one of 15 loophole towers built around the coast of Guernsey during the period 1778-79. They are often called 'Martello towers', though these Guernsey forts predate those built in the next century and named after one erected at Martello Point in Malta. This one is at Vazon Bay near our home, on the West coast of the island, and was built by the British to defend against possible invasion by the French.

I went to take this photo this morning as part of my daily exercise programme (we are 'locked down' in our homes except for shopping, exercise and medical emergencies) because I had been greatly encouraged by a passage from the Bible book of Psalms (61). It read:

1 Hear my cry, O God;
    listen to my prayer.
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For you have been my refuge,
    a strong tower against the foe.

These towers were first and foremost defensive. But they were also a visible reassurance to islanders that their leaders had their back. They were a boost to morale and an encouragement to believe that all was well. And if the enemy did appear, then they were going to be there as a front line of defence.

I thank God that in this current crisis of global proportions, God is our refuge and fortress, a strong tower against the foe. Our hearts may well be growing faint (mine is!) and fear is a growing problem at this time, but these verses teach us to seek out the shelter and protection of One who is higher than us. 'As my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I'.

I also invite you to tune into the Livestream transmission from Vazon Church, Guernsey, just 500 yards away from the tower, where on Sunday 29th March at 10.45am Pastor Matt Gregor will talk about another similar Psalm - Ps. 46 - with its emphasis on being still and letting God be God! Just search YouTube for Vazon Church and tune in or watch it at a time of your own choosing.

When Simply Trusting is the Hardest Thing to do...

There are times in each one of our lives when we need to let go and learn to trust the loving watch and caring presence of a good God in heaven. When our son learned to ride his bike without stabilisers we were on holiday in France. A small village concrete playground provided the ideal venue for teaching him to ride the little bike we had squeezed into our car and taken on the ferry. All was well while the extra little training wheels were in place, but there came a sea-change when I decided the time was right to take them off. The only way I could do it was to assure Matthew that I would be holding on to the back of the bike. "Off he went.." would be an exaggeration for the timid, tottering, try-it-if-you-dare kind of movement that ensued.  It is so hard to learn to balance the bike, pedal and find the way forward whilst at the same time constantly checking behind you that Dad is still holding the back of the bike! In the end there was no other way to grow and develop into the confident cyclist he and we wanted him to be.. he made his choice and took his eyes off me and looked ahead. And "off he went" for at least 20 meters, shouting out all the time "I'm doing it, Dad, I'm doing it!"

You simply can't live this challenging thing called the life of faith by constantly checking that God is still there and that he hasn't let you go. At some point you have to quit checking and choose to believe. Only I could make the choice when to let go because, of the two of us, only I had the maturity, experience and faith to stand back and risk him falling off. Only he could make the choice to trust me and grow.

Now the tables have turned and I am the child again. Not this time wanting to ride a bike but facing other kinds of growth challenges. I have a terrifying, dreadfully painful illness that could flare up at any time really, and kill me in hours. I live with a time-bomb inside me. Now the Professor who could operate to take it out of my body, says that there are problems, not of his making nor mine, that are preventing that surgery for the time being. I ask you to please pray with me for the political blockage to be removed and for the delay to end. But I also ask you to pray, that you and I both, will learn that checking whether God is real and fretting that he might let go by mistake and at our cost is no way to grow. "Lord, please help me to trust you when trusting is the hardest thing to do".

I may only be the possessor of what the Bible calls "fledgling faith" (sometimes translated as O ye of little faith) but I only need a tiny bit to make it through life's toughest challenges. Jesus said that faith the size of the smallest of garden seeds - the mustard seed - is enough to move mountains, but at least I'm growing, and who knows where this faith will take me in the days and years to come.

When Waiting is the Hardest thing to do.

Just about everything in the old prophet's life had let him down. 'Habakkuk' is a tough name to be landed with anyway (imagine how that would have gone down when you were at school!) but the passing of the years had not been kind to him. Surveying all his assets one morning and recognising the reality of his loss, he penned words that have given generations to follow a language to express their pain, their determination and hope.

 He wrote: "Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Saviour." (Hab. 3:17-18)

Habakkuk was a man waiting for better days - which he knew were coming because of the promises God had made him - but in this 'in-between time' he knew that he had to keep his spirit clear of resentment and find rest for his soul. Bitterness due to his loss would only be like eating his own skeleton and would leave him a shapeless jelly, unable to make good decisions or to cope with the pressure of the day. So he wandered up to the high place where he had created a space to stand before God and he cried - not in anger or regret, but in worship and surrender.

It's a funny day for me today. I am still waiting for the surgical team in Newcastle to make a decision as to whether they can help me or whether the massive surgery might be too dangerous for me.  All we seem to do these days is wait! But in the waiting I was so encouraged to read these verses in today's page in the reading notes Encounter by Scripture Union where Alison Lo looks at these very verses in Habakkuk and sums them up so brilliantly. "Amid the raging storm, the prophet has grown from restless doubt to deathless faith; from protesting anger to quiet contentment".

Lord - grant me that attitude today, that grace to sustain me in waiting, and that calm assurance in knowing, in the midst of the barrenness, that You are silently planning for me in love. Amen

In the Shadow of the Cross

Diane is not really that much shorter than me - she was sitting down! What matters in this picture is that the shadow of the cross is over us both. At the very centre of our relationship, and the heart of our faith, is the cross - the symbol of the death of Jesus Christ and for centuries a sign of all that Christ accomplished for us at Calvary. It is also a reminder that there is a cross at the apex of our Christianity.  It is an invitation from Jesus to come and die to our selves, our own ambitions and desires, and to live a new life of trust and obedience to Him.

I think that it is easy to forget this important fact.  We tend to think that we deserve happiness in life and the fulfillment of all our dreams. Now it is great to have a dream and hold on to it, but Jesus achieved so much by laying down His life on the cross so that His vision of bringing forgiveness and life to us could be achieved. We can never equate our own suffering with that of Jesus on the cross with its barbaric cruelty and pain, but He does call us to "take up our cross and follow" Him. We are not guaranteed a pain-free walk of faith in this life and the cross reminds us that whatever we go through God has suffered more, and with every cross there comes a resurrection if we trust in Him.

Thanks to all those who are praying for us at this time. I am due to return to University College Hospital in London next week (2nd Dec 2015) for the 11th time this year.  The plan is to let them clear out my pancreatic duct of debris and stones and then to do a nerve block all around the pancreas in the hope of giving me some relief from the appalling pain of pancreatitis. We are also waiting to hear the outcome of our appeal for funding of a major transplant operation by the States of Guernsey which has the potential to bring this nightmare to an end, but is very expensive. So far the early signs are not good - but hey, as I said there is a cross at the heart of our faith and our trust is in God. Anyway - one touch from the King changes everything!

In God's Waiting Room

Following on from my last post about the timing of God being so different to ours, I am learning so much this week about how hard it is to wait. In fact, despite all the pain and frustration of the last 20 years, this period of waiting is one of the toughest I've been through. In a nutshell, there is an operation being done in Newcastle-upon-Tyne for people with chronic pancreatitis that could really help me. They remove the whole pancreas and spleen, together with part of the stomach and all of the duodenum, and then transplant the bits of the pancreas that produce insulin into the liver so as to avoid the patient becoming a brittle diabetic. It has helped hundreds of patients in the USA and some here in Britain too.

The problem is that the op is not being funded and is any case outside the 'contract area' that my local health authority has with the NHS in the UK. So we are being held up in endless bureaucracy while due process is being gone through to see if I could be funded to have this done. All the medics who care for me are recommending me to get going with this, but it has now become a political and not really just a medical matter and they are being over-ruled. Meanwhile, I am quite unwell again and will have to go back to the London hospital soon to get the stent replaced and the pancreatic duct cleared - a procedure fraught with dangers for someone with my record.

I was comforted and yet challenged this week when someone sent me the verse Micah 7:7 which reads, "But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me." Yes, - we may be waiting for politicians and bureaucrats, but behind them all God is in charge. He can step in any moment to provide funding some other way, or even to touch my pancreas and heal me. So, we wait, not for men, but for God.

Great! But meanwhile we mortals need some divine help here to enable us to be patient and keep trusting! Thankfully, that's where you guys come in - lifting us up by your prayers and encouragement - and we appreciate all that you have done so far. We are not alone in God's waiting room and his timing is always perfect.

Catch Up Time

Recent events have kept me from posting in my blog as I have been through another prolonged period of struggling to get through life with a dodgy pancreas! This 'infernal internal' gives me so much trouble that I often wonder if I could do without it. The answer is yes - but to get there would involve massive surgery in a much operated on organ full of scar tissue etc and may result in me being a brittle diabetic. Besides, experience shows that these huge and demanding ops don't always resolve pain for the sufferer. Time will tell, and I will be guided by my excellent pancreatic/biliary team, but I thank God that my life is held in higher hands than theirs!

This recent crisis resulted in another admission to UCLH in London and yet another dangerous and delicate procedure under anesthetic to clear out my pancreatic duct (for the 8th time in recent months). They found that my duct was so blocked with stones and debris that the metal stent that had been fitted a few weeks ago to enable flow had itself been pushed right out of the duct by the pressure! The pain has been out of this world. I saw recent research which shows that pancreatic pain is the worst a man can know - as the pancreas is full of pain-transmitting nerves. It certainly is the worst I have ever known! So now I am home again with no stent. The strictures they found in the duct are just the same, and my propensity for making stones and sludge is undiminished, so I don't know how long it will be before another attack of acute pancreatitis puts me back in hospital, but I hope and pray for relief.

Some people ask me how I cope with all this.  I often answer that I am not sure I do cope some of the time!  I get through and keep on going, despite over a hundred hospital admissions and two decades of battling this disease, largely due to the prayers, love and support of others, most notably my wonderful wife Diane. I also know that God is with me, and that Jesus is alive and real - a very present help in trouble as he is described in the Bible. I also know that my body is an amazing machine - even my tiny Pomeranian dog has a pancreas - and the One who made me can mend me, In the meantime, I choose to trust him and wait for whatever he has planned for me in love. Thanks for your interest and prayers.

Easter Saturday - a place of comfort and strength!

"It's Friday - thank God Sunday's coming!" is an attitude to Easter that I can understand. But Saturday seems to have fallen off the Christian radar as an irrelevant day. Jesus died on Friday - so that dreadful day becomes Good Friday for those who realise that he died to obtain our salvation, the forgiveness of our sins. Sunday is self-evidently the highlight of the Easter story. Jesus did not remain dead, he rose again and destroyed the power of death over our lives. But hey - don't forget Saturday!

At the heart of the amazing achievements of the first Easter is a day of disappointment. The great teacher and prophet is dead. Hope lies discarded in a Middle Eastern tomb. Despair and sorrow are the emotions filling the hearts of all those who loved Jesus. Except perhaps for one. Joseph of Arimathea was the one who asked Pilate for the broken body of Jesus. It was he who pulled out those cruel nails and laid the frail frame down, wrapping him in a clean linen cloth. Then he carried the bloodstained mess to his own garden and laid it in the grave that he had prepared beforehand. I reckon that Joseph had heard and understood the prophecies Jesus made about his coming death and resurrection. He welcomed Saturday as a vital part of the Easter story. He knew that for the power of the Easter message to work there had to be a pit of despair and death in his spring garden. In a miracle much more profound than Christmas Joseph carried the Lord of Glory as a broken corpse and welcomed mystery into the heart of his faith.

As I face my own twentieth Easter with the appalling pain of chronic and recurring acute pancreatitis I find comfort waiting in the garden belonging to Joseph of Arimathea. I find the "now but not yet" message of the Kingdom of God becomes clearer sitting and waiting outside this cold tomb. My Jesus is Lord of Easter Saturday with all its pain and disappointment even if it does not look like it. His broken body did not stay that way but the fact that it was even laid in a cold stone tomb gives me hope.  Of course I can't stay here - because he is not here now He is risen! My own body will one day be like his resurrected body and until that day I choose to embrace the mystery of as-yet unanswered prayer and trust that God knows what he is doing. But for today I take comfort from my Saviour's tomb. "It's Saturday - but thank God Sunday's coming!"

One Step at a Time

After nearly two decades of battling serious ill health and severe pain I am learning to take each day one step at a time. It can be very difficult to do this, especially because I like to have my path well laid out before me and prefer to know where I am going and what is just around the next corner. But that is not how God has led me and life has definitely been, as the old song title has it 'One Day at a Time'.

In the last few months I have been back and forth to London with monthly interventions at University College London Hospital. Each time we have been there Diane and I have looked at each other and said 'this must surely be the last time!' but we have been wrong.  Despite the dangerous and difficult nature of these surgical procedures, and the fact that I seem to be becoming immune to the anesthetics being used so that the last couple of occasions are clear in my memory, it seems that I must have yet another one. So we will leave for London on March 30th for admission on the morning of Tuesday 31st and spend a few more days away while we seek an answer to my desperate situation.

But this step by step approach to medicine and treatment is no stranger to the Christian pilgrim. Our journey of faith is one of daily increments in our walk with God. Any attempt to hurry the divine will or rush ahead seems doomed to failure as we discover that this Christian life is a walk and not a mad dash to heaven! 'Step by step as you go the way shall open before you' is God's promise to us all and we need daily grace to be able to accept that.

So despite the natural fear and disappointment of facing it all again, I guess I need to stretch out and take one more step on this journey, praying that the outcome will turn out to have been a giant leap in securing victory and getting well again. Please Lord!

Fragile but Precious

When people ask me how I am now in the aftermath of recent medical intervention I usually reply 'Doing well - but fragile!'. This got me thinking about fragility generally and especially as we start receiving parcels marked 'FRAGILE' in advance of Christmas. What does it mean and what do I mean when I use it to describe my state of health? The dictionary offers two meanings for the word - "able to be broken easily" and "in a weakened physical state" and so it's the latter sense that I am using. But there is another aspect of the word that takes my interest - the fact that so many precious things are fragile. Glass ornaments, prized artefacts, antiques, sensitive technical equipment, medical kit - all these important and valuable things may be described as 'fragile'.

When faith is fragile it is sometimes open to criticism, especially from those whose faith is robust and strong. Like the man who used to get sand kicked in his face in the advert for muscle-building products, Christians can feel intimidated at times when their faith is fragile. Perhaps in the aftermath of trauma or bereavement, or the barren wasteland of loss and disappointment, faith can be especially fragile as we travel the journey of our lives. Yet this fragility itself speaks to us of the precious nature of the cargo. Our faith - whether fledgling faith like that of Jesus' disciples or bruised faith like that of those of us who have suffered long and hard - is of immense value to God.

You see, just a little faith placed in a mighty God can achieve amazing things! A small and faltering step taken on a strong bridge will get us so much further than confident stamping on a shaky artificial temporary walkway! When we see that someone else's faith is fragile, let's not be too quick to criticise. In fact, when illustrating the power of faith placed in God, Jesus took the smallest of all the seeds in a Middle-Eastern garden, the mustard seed, to show how precious such faith can be. So instead, maybe we need to back off and pray that their small and fragile faith may be placed in a powerful and loving God and so bring forth the fruit that it is capable of producing in the long run.

Till then, I'm doing OK thanks, but fragile!

Doing it Afraid - Again!

It's never easy to face surgery again. I say again because of the number of times I have been through this before. Going into the theatre and lying down for this particular procedure on the table, waiting for them to put me out, is a very lonely place to be. It's always very cold due to the extreme air-conditioning and the fact that the poor patient is virtually naked under a thin surgical gown.  As each of the people present introduce themselves to me one by one their names go immediately out of my mind because I am TERRIFIED! I smile politely at each of them a bit like Mary Queen of Scots is said to have tipped her executioner so that he would make a good job of it with his axe. I am always reminded of the old gospel song that goes "You've got to walk that lonesome valley, You gotta walk there by yourself.  And no-one else can go there for you, You gotta go there by yourself!"

Yet I am not alone, not really alone. Once a long time ago, when one of these very same ops had put me into Intensive Care for several weeks, and I came very near to death (another reason why I get so scared!!), I felt the presence of Jesus very real with me indeed. In the midst of my terrifying ordeal, and very near the end, I felt him come to me and imagined that I could feel him sitting on the bed. You may think it was the drugs that caused all that but I know differently. There was something supernatural about the calm that came into my fevered mind and my pain-wracked body at that moment.  I wrote about it in my book Braving the Storm. It changed my whole life at that time and it still has an effect today.  Because on Monday, when I lie down on that table and they are inserting tubes and lines into all manner of orifices and veins, I will hush my heart with the image of the face of Christ, and remind myself of his words 'Lo, I will be with you always, even to the end of the age'.

And I will get through it.  Not without fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the will to go through despite one's fear. As Joyce Meyer says often in her television broadcasts, I will be 'doing it afraid'. And that's the only way to do it really. Honestly!

What are you Wearing Today?

My wife tells me that changing seasons are a real nightmare for a lady! Getting the right clothes for the new weather patterns can be very challenging especially when, as at present in the UK, the seasons are sort of blending into one. As for me I don't worry at all about seasons and my decisions on what I wear each day are largely made on whatever is nearest to the wardrobe door! I seldom think about what to wear and certainly don't spend long choosing - well there's not a lot to choose from for us blokes, is there?

In my Bible reading today I found a real challenge to think more deeply about what to put on today. Colossians chapter 3 describes some of the ways in which First Century Christians lived before they started following Christ and how that changed once their faith started affecting the things they "put on" daily. "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices." (Col. 3:8-9) That is a wardrobe of clothes as ugly as the bottom of an eagle's nest after dinner time! Those are the old tattered garments of a life lived without Christ and with no concern for others or their feelings.

Within a few lines, though, the author of the New Testament letter shows the contrasting outfit that Christian believers are invited to "put on" each day. "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity". (Col. 3:12-14). Now that really would bring about a new season in my dress code!

So as we face the world today, let's choose what we will wear from the wardrobe of faith and peace that Jesus holds open before us. It will lead to peace in our hearts (vs 15), unity in local churches, and a powerful sense of Christ's lingering presence in the world reflected in the lives of his modern day disciples.

Keeping it All Together!

I have been described as 'the man with the interesting abdomen' by the team at the pancreatic/biliary unit in University College London Hospital.  'Interesting' may be their viewpoint, but 'pesky' 'problematic' or downright 'painful' would be mine! When they went poking around in my pancreatic duct just a few days ago they revealed the presence of a large quantity of sludge bunging up the works.  Yuck! Sounds like my garden drains at this time of the year.  The problem is that when that particular duct is blocked with sludge or even leaves, it causes a back-wash of pancreatic enzymes - the things that dissolve meat when sent normally into your gut - which then start devouring your insides causing massive blood loss and infection - acute pancreatitis! In certain circumstances this can be fatal. My own brush with near-death encounters etc is set out in the book Braving the Storm - still available from Amazon and other booksellers. So, for me, the interesting abdomen is a huge challenge.

As I face the prospect of going back into UCLH in just over a week's time for them to have a second go at clearing the duct I find that my biggest enemy is not pain, or nausea, or even fever etc, but fear.  The fear of going back into something I have experienced before and was the worst time of my life (and my family's) takes the biscuit in the line up of enemies - including sludge - who seem to be conspiring against me at this time. So, I had a chat with myself (and Diane) about this and we started encouraging one another with fear unblocking Bible promises. These scriptures are helping us to get through, keeping it all together, and I offer them to you as an encouragement whatever kind of sludge may be affecting your life - or even your abdomen!

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Deuteronomy 20:3b,4 Do not be faint-hearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before [your enemies], for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

1 Chronicles 28:20  Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you ...

Isaiah 43:1,2 But now, this is what the LORD says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.’

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 118:6  The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Proverbs 29:25  Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

Hebrews 13:5,6 …because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’

Celebrations in Style!

We have just got home after the most exhilarating  and wonderful trip to the Seychelles where we celebrated our Ruby Wedding Anniversary on the 9th September (40 years of marriage).  It was a triple celebration really.  One was of our relationship which feels more satisfying and fulfilling than it ever has.  We love each other more with every passing day. Two was of the miracle that I am well enough to be able to make this kind of trip after 15 years of incredible pain and illness.  Thank God for His mercy and for your prayers too! Three was the joy of seeing the believers in the Seychelles again after 23 years since we left them.  The growth and maturity that has come to the churches since we served there as missionaries in the 1980's is remarkable and it was a great joy to renew fellowship with the folk there.

On the day itself we went off to church in the morning and when we returned to our hotel room we found that the maids had covered our room with flowers, even decorating the bathroom!  They had created beautiful arrangements of hibiscus and lemon grass to wish us a happy anniversary and provided us with a lovely celebratory cake.

Every part of that day was special to us both and we feel so privileged to have been able to share it together.  Marriage is so much more than a wedding - even than a ruby wedding!  It is about learning to give your all to someone you love in the knowledge that they give their all to you.  As I often tell young couples preparing to wed - marriage is not give and take - it is all give!  You give your all and they give theirs and then both your needs are met!  That has been our experience through four decades and we are looking forward to the future that God has planned for us.

Living Without Limits

Joni Eareckson Tada is one of the world's heroes.  She may not be taking part in the Paralympics in London but she has run the race of life with passion, wisdom, determination and courage.  As a beautiful young woman in her mid teens she dived into water that was shallower than she realised and snapped her spine.  Joni has spent her life in a wheelchair since then and undergone countless indignities, overcoming huge obstacles just to live each day.  Her trust in God has been an example to millions and her books have spread the message of 'living without limits' around the globe.  Her example, together with those of the hundreds of so-called 'disabled' athletes taking part just now in London, speaks loudly to me.  Why focus on what I cannot do?  How come my mind defaults so quickly to my weaknesses or pain?  What about the possibilities that are open to me with the boundaries that God has set into my life?  Such is the attitude of the overcomer.  Joni is just one of those and there have been others in history.

Ludwig Von Beethoven, for instance, continued to write wonderful music after he had become completely deaf in his late twenties.

David Blunkett is one of Britain's best known politicians having served in the very highest offices of state - and he is totally blind.  His guide dogs have become familiar faces at Westminster and in government offices.

What each of these faces tells me is that life is meant to be lived with what we have got, not with what we have been denied.  It is also the case for me as a Christian, that the presence of Christ within is the source of strength hope and inspiration. As St. Paul said: "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength".

Does it Matter that we Pray?

Well it certainly seems to matter to these two anyway! Both their faces display such an earnest intensity that I am sure they will get results!  Sometimes, though, we can feel like we are wasting our breath.  When things don't work out as we had hoped - or even become worse than before we prayed - discouragement sets in.  Throughout my long and painful battle with serious ill health I had spells of wonderring if there was any point praying about it any more.  I understood the attitude taken by some (like Jennifer Rees-Larcombe just before she was healed) who say 'enough is enough' and decide not to seek or receive prayer for healing because of their many disappointments.  'Hope deferred makes the heart sick' says the Book of Proverbs and maybe it colours our prayers also.

But wait.  God in His sovereignty has decided to work through the prayers of those who trust in Him.  He didn't have to do that but he did so in order that we might receive 'training for reigning' in this life. Prayer creates a channel for the Holy Spirit to work in both the situation prayed for and the one doing the praying.  It changes things and us!  When I was really ill there were long periods when I couldn't pray for myself.  I was too weak and too sad to do so.  That was when I learned the power of a praying wife!  Also, I was carried on the prayers of loving Christian believers in many lands and churches.  So, let's join dogs and boys to keep on keeping on in prayer.  'People ought to pray always and not to give up'!  Hang in there!

Fatter but not Fitter

Wow - was I ever that thin?  Diane hasn't changed a bit, of course, but did they feed students at Elim Bible College in the early 1970's?  I think not.

One of the joys of my recovery from the awful pain of chronic pancreatitis is that I can now eat without agony. Great when you are celebrating Christmas but not so great when New Year comes.  Now I definitely feel the pinch as my belt asks 'are you sure about this?' and there is a lot less view of my feet than there used to be. I reckon I am not alone in this.  The millions spent on the Weight Watchers' advert on UK TV testify to the commonality of this problem.  We are all getting fatter - well many of us are - but are we getting any fitter?  The difference is down to an increase in the weight of accumulated fat and fluid as against the weight of muscle tissue.  The former makes flab whilst the latter is 'fab' (still thinking 1970's!).

Then, how about my faith?  Is it flabby and tired or growing in effective muscle-weight?  What causes muscle growth in the Kingdom of Heaven?  Well, I suppose, much the same as in every other human realm.  Exercise and diet, all part of a healthy lifestyle.  Wait a minute though, exercise hurts.  It only does your muscles any good, apparently, if it does hurt.  Maybe that's why the experiences we go through that cause us to grow spiritually are all the painful ones?  Diet is all a matter of self-control.  No easy answers there then, no matter what the adverts promise us.  So maybe a good diet for my faith requires similar self-control: taking care about what I watch, what I read and who I mix with.  Mmm.

I think churches need to ask similar questions.  Are we getting fatter or fitter?  If congregations grow at the expense of other surrounding churches then they may just be getting fat!  What they need is more muscle-weight.  People of robust faith exercising it more!  And doing so in an atmosphere of love and grace.

So - what about you this New Year?  Fatter or fitter?

Making a New Start

Whilst we served Shiloh Church in Guernsey for some years we coined the strap-line for it - 'Helping People Make a New Start'.  I always felt it to be the best descriptive phrase about church life that I had ever come across, and now it is coming true for Diane and me too.  After more than 4 years of not being able to work because of the agony of chronic pancreatitis, and the all-too-frequent admissions to hospital near home and in London, my situation has improved dramatically.  Recently my GP started saying that he thought I might even be well enough to consider starting work again, and for Diane and myself that could only mean one thing - active Christian ministry in one capacity or another.  We just love preaching and teaching the Word of God, and mentoring and encouraging Christian leaders, while all the time sharing the good news of the love of God with folk of all faiths and of none.  This was our great desire, though the exact details seemed to elude us for a while.

For some weeks we have been praying about this, in particular the possibility of serving the Eldad Elim Church, in St Peter Port Guernsey, as its minister.  The present incumbent and my close friend John Bristow will retire in December and he and his wife Iris plan to move to New Zealand.  Through different talks and negotiations, both with Elim's National Leadership Team and the Eldad church leaders, we came to the settled conclusion that this is what we should do.  Last Sunday morning it was announced to the congregation that Diane and I will be joining them in the New Year, and we are so thrilled that we can even contemplate this.  It is a daunting challenge, but one in which we know we will be joining some wonderful people and will learn much from them.

We are so grateful  for all your love, support and prayers.  To all our friends in the Pancreatitis Supporters Network we say 'hang in there, guys - we can beat this'.  To Katie Bassett, a dear Christian friend who is our pain control specialist nurse and who arranged for my implant at Guys' hospital last February, 'God has really used you, Katie.  You were really meant to come to Guernsey'.  To so many much-loved prayer partners - Brian and Doreen, Hazel, Daphne (and the late Clarence), Jean and David, Jean P, Eileen, Peter and Dorien, Kev and Mary and so so many more - many thanks and don't stop now!  There is an encouraging verse in Revelation 3:8 where God says 'I have set before you an open door which no man can shut, and I know that your strength is limited.'  If He is leading us to this new start, then all may not be easy, but it will all be well.

Pill Popping and Prayer - do they Mix?

In an age of drug addiction and the abuse of chemicals it is small wonder that  Christians find themselves bothered when asked by their doctors to take certain medications to control their illnesses.  Among the many different kinds of drugs that are particularly hard to swallow if you are a committed follower of Christ are anti-depressants, tranquillizers and opiates. I have used all three at various times in the long battle with pancreatitis, cholangitis and the emotional fallout of chronic ill health.  Just at the moment I really thank God that I am doing better, especially with regard to pain, and so I am weening myself off morphine after a long period of using it in large doses daily in order to cope with excessive pain.  Cutting down and coming off these kinds of drugs is a tough and testing process and is taking much longer than I would like, but if you lower the doses slowly in line with medical advice, this can minimise the awful effects of withdrawal.

Despite their place in medicine, I hate taking drugs.  In fact, I have so resisted taking medication that I have suffered far more over the years than I need have done, not only from physical symptoms that could have been relieved, but also from emotions like shame, embarrassment, fear and guilt.  I remember how sad and ashamed I was to be receiving shots of morphine when in severe pain in a London hospital, especially when the nurse giving me the jabs told me she was a Pentecostal Christian and, like me, believed in Divine healing!  It is also so hard to keep taking antidepressants when you are supposed to have 'a joy that the world cannot give' - and you have but it does not meet your immediate medical and emotional needs.

Through all this foolish shame and guilt, I have learned important lessons.  Firstly, like sex, these drugs were created by God for the benefit of mankind.  Also like sex they have been abused and subverted to serve selfish and evil purposes, but this does not take away their usefulness in medicine, nor their appropriateness for Christians as well as anybody else to take.  Secondly, like food, if these substances have been given to man by God, they are to be received with thanksgiving.  In fact, the next time you take your pain-killers or your anti-depressant or your HRT or your insulin, it might help to bow your head and say grace!  'Thank you Lord for these little pills that are helping me today.  Amen'  Thirdly, we have no right to criticise or condemn others who may need medication to get them through a short term crisis or attack of disease. Even though we believe in God's healing power, we don't have to flush the pills away unless we are very sure that it is the right thing to do - right before God and those who are caring for us in His name.  We are not against doctors and nurses, after all, we are against suffering and disease!

Let me know if you have struggled with this issue and would like to chat about it.  Don't be embarrassed or ashamed, but trust God for healing and recovery in due course, and His love and presence in the meantime.