It has been a long time now since I felt that God was calling me to 'let go' and hand over my church and ministry to Him like Abraham offered his precious son Isaac on an altar in Genesis 22. These have not been easy days as I have tried every which way to weadle out of the deal and find another way of obeying God that did not involve loss or sacrifice. But now, the time is near, and in just a week's time, we will say farewell to the church we love with all our hearts and begin a season of rest and waiting on God for direction.
Why is it so hard to do what you know is right, and everyone who loves you is advising you to do? Well, partly because it involves uncertainty. Not knowing what the future holds is a risky business, and faith is often spelt r-i-s-k. Holding on to what you know and feel comfortable with is so much easier than stepping out into the unkown. Was it John Ortberg who coined the phrase: 'if you want to walk on water you have got to get out of the boat'? Leaving the comfort zone and letting your faith really work for you is proving to be just as hard as it sounds, but then faith is a muscle, it really does grow through use.
I suppose that what really is going on is God's way of finding out what turns my light on. Am I really in love with Jesus and following Him no matter what, or does my Christian service and position give me the security I secretly crave? I hope I'll stand the test, but if these early days are anything to go by, it won't be without its pain.
Still, the great thing is that we live in the 'upside-down' kingdom. Letting go is actually to receive, and the way down is the way up. If we are, as Paul says, stronger when we are weak, then in the topsy turvy reckoning of the Kingdom of God, this is really quite a good week! Lord, give me grace!