Saturday, January 09, 2010

Bleakness Engaged

This is not a view of our road this week - this was last February.  The contrast between then and now is stark.  Then the snow came thick and fast, and stayed - itself an unusual phenomenon in the Channel Islands.  Now, we have been talking snow all week, but not doing snow, and there is all the difference in the world between talking something and doing it!  I remember that I am like that too!  I talk trust - and then doubt.  I predict a great eternity - and then don't want to get there too soon!  I announce that Jesus is Lord of all my life - and then take back the broken bits to myself that I feel only I can fix. In a nutshell I am all forecasts and no gritter!  Talking up deep drifts and skating on thin ice.

You know bleakness has a life of its own.  It feeds on fear and does a lot of its work in the dark.  We talk joy when in company, and shiver with doubt and worry under the covers.  I'll be honest with you - my forecast is not good.  I saw the surgeon three days before Christmas in London (yes it was snowing!) and he described my options as 'dire'.  Major surgery to remove much of my insides permanently - or carry on facing the threat of acute attacks of potentially deadly pancreatitis every month.  As a start he wants to put me back on 'total pancreatic rest' with enteral feeding for 4 to 6 weeks in the early part of the year.  This means that one of my major sources of comfort is also going to be stripped away from me - food and drink!  It also threatens to put a great barrier between my wife and I because we share so much over a cup of tea or the food table.

But listen - the forecast is not always right, is it?  Sometimes they get it wrong, and make things sound bleaker than they are - just like this week in Guernsey.  And hey, even if the worst does come I still have choices between fear and hope, lies and God's truth, moaning or worshipping, despair or trust in God's Word.

So, things may not be as bleak as they seem, and even if they are, God's gritters are great, and His purposes still stand true.  He loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  Get shovelling!