Stronger than Ever?

 

Five years ago today I was the patient on the operating table in this photo. It was taken during a 16.5 hour transplant op at the International Transplant Centre in the Freeman Hospital Newcastle. It has absolutely transformed my life! I have been out walking in the wonderful warm sunshine on Guernsey's magnificent sea-shore this morning, and really thanking God for the Professor, his team and all involved, and for the many who prayed for my recovery from 22 years of the most appalling pain and suffering. Their prayers were answered that day, and on this anniversary I give thanks to God.

Before the surgery my life was blighted by daily agony, requiring industrial doses of opiates to give me even a modicum of pain control. Today I am largely pain-free and able to live a normal life, as I tell in my fifth book Through the Storms: a manual for when life hurts but I shall never cease to be grateful for these bonus years following surgery.

The thing about surgery is that you have to go down into a very deep valley before you can come up the other side. I very nearly died in the aftermath when I contracted pneumonia in ICU. It was hugely painful and challenging, but you don't get a testimony without a test! If you are facing a similar valley of pain or perhaps medical intevention, I hope you find the courage to press ahead in faith that although maybe the medics have got this - God has got you!

Today I thank God for his mercy and grace. He did not take me out of the situation quickly or easily, but he was with me throughout, and has delivered me in the end. Very early in our two decades long ordeal, God gave us a promise from the Bible - 1 Peter 5:10 which we have called our 'stronger than ever' text. Here it is; "After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you his eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up, and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever" (Living Bible).

Doing it Afraid - Again!

It's never easy to face surgery again. I say again because of the number of times I have been through this before. Going into the theatre and lying down for this particular procedure on the table, waiting for them to put me out, is a very lonely place to be. It's always very cold due to the extreme air-conditioning and the fact that the poor patient is virtually naked under a thin surgical gown.  As each of the people present introduce themselves to me one by one their names go immediately out of my mind because I am TERRIFIED! I smile politely at each of them a bit like Mary Queen of Scots is said to have tipped her executioner so that he would make a good job of it with his axe. I am always reminded of the old gospel song that goes "You've got to walk that lonesome valley, You gotta walk there by yourself.  And no-one else can go there for you, You gotta go there by yourself!"

Yet I am not alone, not really alone. Once a long time ago, when one of these very same ops had put me into Intensive Care for several weeks, and I came very near to death (another reason why I get so scared!!), I felt the presence of Jesus very real with me indeed. In the midst of my terrifying ordeal, and very near the end, I felt him come to me and imagined that I could feel him sitting on the bed. You may think it was the drugs that caused all that but I know differently. There was something supernatural about the calm that came into my fevered mind and my pain-wracked body at that moment.  I wrote about it in my book Braving the Storm. It changed my whole life at that time and it still has an effect today.  Because on Monday, when I lie down on that table and they are inserting tubes and lines into all manner of orifices and veins, I will hush my heart with the image of the face of Christ, and remind myself of his words 'Lo, I will be with you always, even to the end of the age'.

And I will get through it.  Not without fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the will to go through despite one's fear. As Joyce Meyer says often in her television broadcasts, I will be 'doing it afraid'. And that's the only way to do it really. Honestly!

All Things Tough and Testing

I've got a new line for the old hymn "All Things Bright and Beautiful"! Now it begins "All things Tough and Testing".. It doesn't work musically but boy does it fit my recent experience! I won't bore you with the details save to say that I am facing 3 operations in the next few weeks and am in desperate levels of pain. Apparently I am sitting on a time-bomb with stones and a stricture in my pancreatic duct, and the £30,000 worth of electronic gadgetry inside me has failed (again) and requires me to go through the whole July surgery once more! Add to that some decidedly unpleasant personal plumbing and you have a mixture fit for the 'dunghill' to wax all King James Version.

When I can think clearly through the fog of opiates and the sharp sense that there must surely be a spear right through my upper abdomen - and doesn't it stick out at the back too? - I startle myself with a sense of well-being. Before you call the men in white coats there are reasons for this state of calm that are not just drug induced. I have found special help this week in certain obscure (but not pointless!) Bible verses. One is found in Ephesians 4:6 where it says that my God and Father is "over all and through all and in all". I had not considered that before but it has sealed my soul in a firm compost of comfort this week while I try to bear fruit in a barren environment. God is in charge - not the doctors, nor the devil and thankfully not me!

Another came at me sideways from the good old book of Psalms - ancient Israel's national songbook. Reading almost like a medical report it says: "You couldn’t stand the sight of food, so miserable you thought you’d be better off dead.Then you called out to GOD in your desperate condition; he got you out in the nick of time. He spoke the word that healed you, that pulled you back from the brink of death." (Ps 107:18-20 The Message) Wow!  Now that gave me hope.  Of course I realise that wishful thinking may be at work here, but actually choosing to trust in God's promises and his words is proving to be a powerful steadying force in this trying time.

So although I am messing about with the first line of the old hymn, perhaps the ending can still stand?  "The Lord God made them all" And if that's true then I'll be OK, even if the time-bomb does go off.

Cut and come Again!

It is never easy to approach the operating theatre again after so many previous visits - 30 to be precise!  There is no more lonely place on this planet than lying on a gurney outside the anesthetics area waiting to be wheeled in to begin the process. It is then that I am so glad I'm a Christian!  I recall the old gospel song 'You gotta walk that lonesome valley, you gotta walk there by yourself, and no one else can go there for you, you gotta walk there by yourself!' Very cheerful eh? Ah well, Friday is the day for the knife for me and I am really not looking forward to it, but it's got to be done.

Surgery is such a savage mercy.  In order to heal and help the surgeon must cut and cause pain.  To save life he or she must shed life's blood. To make well they must first make the patient feel worse! Who would want a job like that?

Yet in some ways this healing work mirrors the same process in the spiritual life too. God must occasionally act as a surgeon in our lives and not simply as 'the Great Physician'. Things that we count precious may have to go.  Relationships that are not helpful may need to be cut. Security that we have come to rely upon may need some re-arranging in order that we can really understand that we can't do this thing called 'life' without Him. Now that's not an easy process to bear, nor a bloodless one as Jesus found out on the cross. But it is an important one if we are to be made whole.

Thankfully, for me, this surgery is not major and is likely to be straightforward, but I will keep my eyes on the benefits ahead and try not to worry too deeply about the journey!! See you soon - I hope!