Is This the End of the Road?

 

Walking through a leafy lane near my home recently I marvelled at the thick covering of Autumn leaves on the ground around me. It seemed like walking on a luxurious carpet of gloriously coloured threads and felt like crunching my way across snow. No wonder our Trans-Atlantic cousins call this time of the year the Fall as the trees let go of their fabulously shaped and shaded appendages. The chill in the air took nothing away from the sense of wonder at the overflowing generosity of this season - sending an abundance of leaves my way as if a crowd of unseen footmen were strewing my path with their hilariously embroidered cloaks!

In the last few weeks I have turned 70 years of age, celebrated our Golden Wedding (50 years) anniversary with Diane, and retired (again) from being in active ministry as an Associate Pastor at my local church. It is, for me at least, a bit like Autumn has finally come in my life, and Winter will not be far behind. There is a sense of loss as leaves fall from my tree too! Folk make kind comments about the new season ahead, but there is no escaping certain mellow emotions at the passing of yet another phase of activity and usefulness.

I have found help and encouragement from a recent study of St Paul's last letter, 2 Timothy, written from prison before his final execution at Rome. It seems so unfair that this great servant of God should be so reduced and, in his case, maltreated. He has been falsely accused of wrongdoing, deserted by virtually all the Christians he knew (1:15, 4:16, 4:9-10), even betrayed by one in particular (4:14). His sufferings were no doubt part of the emperor Nero's persecution of Christians in 64AD. Yet Paul, despite being in the Autumn of his life and ministry, manages to keep his spirit clean. How?

• He was grateful for the little he did have, and for the small group of folk who were helping him (1:16, 4:11-12). In this Autumn season I also need to let gratitude be my attitude.
• He soaked himself in the Scriptures! Paul asks Timothy to bring him his 'scrolls and parchments' (3:16, 4:13). Paul's reading of the Bible was not something he did only to preach from. He lived in God's words to him in every season.
• He focussed on the future. He tells Timothy about that - 'Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing' (2 Tim 4:8).
• He entrusted his concerns to God. In 2 Tim. 1:12 he says that he is believing God and is convinced that he is able to guard what he has entrusted to him until that day. I have concerns too, maybe you have also, and there's a lesson for us here.
• He gave himself to mentorring others. Timothy was his special project, and Paul gave himself to writing letters and receiving occasional visits from him. He was restricted but not cancelled! The great man had really moved into a new season.
  

As I walked through my leafy lane, I realised that these trees were doing something vital in their Autumn shedding. They were laying down the seed-bed for the next generation of seedlings and supplying the mulch for their safety and development. The shedding was not 'loss' in nature's mind - but gain! Maybe that's why she celebrates the act with all those amazing colours.

So, I am not going to deny my age, sweeping away the leaves contemptuously as if they simply should not be falling, but rather engage with God's plan for this next season with the excitement and joy that comes from the certainty that this is not the end of the road, but simply a bend in the road, that leads me on in God's wonderful purpose for my life.

Bowing Down to Rise Up!

It's time for this old horse to bow out gracefully!  Or should I say donkey because Guernsey folk are often caricatured as being stubborn like donkeys! It is vital for every servant of God to bow the knee before Him and say 'have Your way Lord!' and that's what I am doing right now. After 43 years of full-time Christian ministry in the UK, the Channel Islands, Seychelles and Zimbabwe, I will retire this weekend. BUT - I am not finished yet! My work is entering a new phase and I welcome the opportunity to see what God is silently planning for us in love. Romans 8:28 is still in my bible and I know that there is a plan in all this and that the important thing is to remain positive, hopeful and yet submitted to God's will. Diane and I are so grateful for all the prayer support and encouragement we have received over the years and are still receiving now, and boy are we going to need it over the coming months!

I had an MRCP scan at University College Hospital London this week and it revealed an extensive stricture or closing of my pancreatic duct with what appeared to be stones piling up behind it. This accounts for the severe pain I have been in for some time and means that in 3 weeks I will be having a surgical procedure to open this up and clear the duct, similar to one that I had some years ago and put me in ICU for quite a long while! Yet I have peace about this one and trust my loving Lord to watch over me that day. Then I also have to go back to Guys and St Thomas' hospital in London too in order to find out why the spinal neuro-stimulator fitted to relieve the awful pain of pancreatitis has failed - and if it is faulty as suspected I will have to undergo having the operation of last July done again. I am also waiting for all this to be finished so that I can have a routine plumbing operation in my local hospital! Plenty to be getting on with then!

I am still praying for healing and release from this every day, and look forward to the day when I can put all this behind me and press on to new and better things. When a horse is being trained, however, to be useful to its trainer there comes a moment when it is 'broken'. The stubborn will of the creature is won over, and it desires whatever its master wants it to do. Now we are not animals and God treats us very differently, inviting our love and joyful surrender as an expression of our partnership with Him in the redemption and recreation of all living things. But even Jesus went through the experience of 'brokenness' when He submitted to His father's plan for salvation. When we follow His example and allow God to master us and use us in His plan, then much can be achieved in and through us.