Bowing Down to Rise Up!

It's time for this old horse to bow out gracefully!  Or should I say donkey because Guernsey folk are often caricatured as being stubborn like donkeys! It is vital for every servant of God to bow the knee before Him and say 'have Your way Lord!' and that's what I am doing right now. After 43 years of full-time Christian ministry in the UK, the Channel Islands, Seychelles and Zimbabwe, I will retire this weekend. BUT - I am not finished yet! My work is entering a new phase and I welcome the opportunity to see what God is silently planning for us in love. Romans 8:28 is still in my bible and I know that there is a plan in all this and that the important thing is to remain positive, hopeful and yet submitted to God's will. Diane and I are so grateful for all the prayer support and encouragement we have received over the years and are still receiving now, and boy are we going to need it over the coming months!

I had an MRCP scan at University College Hospital London this week and it revealed an extensive stricture or closing of my pancreatic duct with what appeared to be stones piling up behind it. This accounts for the severe pain I have been in for some time and means that in 3 weeks I will be having a surgical procedure to open this up and clear the duct, similar to one that I had some years ago and put me in ICU for quite a long while! Yet I have peace about this one and trust my loving Lord to watch over me that day. Then I also have to go back to Guys and St Thomas' hospital in London too in order to find out why the spinal neuro-stimulator fitted to relieve the awful pain of pancreatitis has failed - and if it is faulty as suspected I will have to undergo having the operation of last July done again. I am also waiting for all this to be finished so that I can have a routine plumbing operation in my local hospital! Plenty to be getting on with then!

I am still praying for healing and release from this every day, and look forward to the day when I can put all this behind me and press on to new and better things. When a horse is being trained, however, to be useful to its trainer there comes a moment when it is 'broken'. The stubborn will of the creature is won over, and it desires whatever its master wants it to do. Now we are not animals and God treats us very differently, inviting our love and joyful surrender as an expression of our partnership with Him in the redemption and recreation of all living things. But even Jesus went through the experience of 'brokenness' when He submitted to His father's plan for salvation. When we follow His example and allow God to master us and use us in His plan, then much can be achieved in and through us.

Where next? Finding our Way!

We were walking on a fabulous headland near our home - Fort Hommet if you know Guernsey - when our little dog Mysty seemed a bit confused. In that part of the common the ground cover is quite low, only a couple of feet high, and mainly gorse and ferns, but Mysty only weighs 1.95kg and is tiny in comparison! She stubbornly set off on a slight pathway worn into the shrubbery but from my vantage point I could see that it was going nowhere. To her it must have seemed a really viable option. Maybe her Pomeranian nose, which is 10,000 times as powerful as mine, was telling her that there were really interesting canine smells down there. But I knew she would soon be in trouble and get stuck.

Thankfully at my call she stopped, turned and tossed her head as if to say 'I know what I'm doing!' But give her due, she then dashed away from her pathway into nothing and joined me on the high path. You see, it's all about vantage point, vision and clarity. Smells are great but in that kind of landscape you can't beat perspective!

My way is like that just now. I sense that this way or that may be interesting, productive or just pleasant - and we could do with something pleasant after years of suffering. But I need to listen to the call of one who has perspective - height. I am 62 today - and formally retiring from full-time employment due to severe and ongoing ill-health. I will continue to serve Eldad Church until later in the year if I possibly can so that my successor can take up his or her post, though even that is in God's hands not mine. After more than 43 years of leading and serving churches pursuing a call that came to me as a very young man, I still need to hear that voice from above - now more than ever really. To be honest, this path smells pretty naff - stinks really - but what I need at this time and for the future is perspective that comes from height, not smells that come from my own carnal nature or ideas that form in my vivid imagination.

As the writer of Israel's ancient hymn book prayed "LORD, when my heart is overwhelmed within me, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I am".

Living Hope

Near our home in Guernsey is a concrete disaster. Not one of those monstrous office buildings erected in postmodern style all glass and girders, but an underground hospital left over from the Second World War. Built, or rather excavated, by the German occupying forces, it was in its day the largest underground concrete structure in Europe.  This subterranean hospital briefly received wounded troops from nearby France after D-Day until the Allied advance liberated Normandy and cut off these islands until the end of the war. I shall never forget my first visit to the eerie structure as a child because it caused me to shrink in sadness at the thought of anybody being taken down there already unwell or badly hurt.  It never really worked as a hospital because it robbed its patients of something that is so badly needed in recovery - sunshine. They might as well have inscribed over the entrance the famous words from Dante's vision of hell 'Abandon Hope all who Enter Here!'

Hope is vital to recovery - and I don't mean just the vague feeling that things might improve either.  Christian hope is based on the character of God and his great love for us. It works like sunshine on our life systems and gives us something to hold on to in the darkest times. This kind of hope is the confident assurance that God is good and that he has good things planned for those who love him.  But the abandonment of hope is the opposite of that and is called despair. Several young people visited Guernsey over this weekend who know what real despair is like.  They have known the degrading power of drug and alcohol addiction in their lives that has led in similar cases to prostitution, imprisonment and premature death.  Now following their rehabilitation through one of the UK's Teen Challenge centres they sing together in a remarkable girls' band called Living Hope and tour prisons, churches and schools telling their own stories of hope restored. We are so privileged to have received them in our home island and heard their amazing stories of God's hope - a living hope that changed their lives!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

Learning to Lean

I was reading in the book of Psalms the other day and came upon this comment 'He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield' (Psalm 91:4).  It is a passage from the Bible that I have preached about (and Diane has too quite recently) but it is probably one of the hardest things to keep in mind when things are tough.  For me, the blinding, searing, literally sickening pain of chronic pancreatitis together with the thick fog caused by morphine, combine to make it hard to hold on to this image.  This picture taken from a friend's Facebook wall is a real help in the this process of visualisation.

A great deal is said today about 'mindfulness' - a meditation programme or technique that does have some very helpful insights and advice but is also limited (in my opinion) due to the overwhelming intrusion of severe pain or emotional trauma many suffer.  'When my heart is overwhelmed lead me to the rock than is higher than I am!' I want something more than simply being mindful of the present and my surroundings - I want to know the presence of One who shelters, who cares, and who has a plan despite the disappointments.  The writer of Psalm 91 had found someone like this in his or her faith in God.  I have too, but it is a daily discipline to call these truths to mind - a mindfulness of a different kind perhaps?

So, whether in pain, trauma or in just the humdrum of daily life - I offer you Psalm 91 to be what Diane recently described as 'God's duvet'!

As for me - I'm under the feathers today!  It's one of those days!

That's a Relief!

At last - a few days of pain relief after months of the most appalling pancreatic agony!  Diane and I travelled last week to University College London Hospital for a procedure called a 'coeliac plexus block' which is done under heavy sedation in the endoscopy unit there. A large amount of steroids and narcotics are injected directly into a bundle of nerves right near the pancreas in an attempt to interrupt the pain - and voila - a pain free Easter pour moi!

Years ago I had a series of six such blocks and they gave me varying degrees of effect, ranging from nothing at all (twice) to six weeks of glorious freedom. I don't know how long this one will last, but it is such a pleasure to experience life like so many do without the nerve tearing, burning, intensity of pancreatic pain.

In all these 18 years of battling this condition we have found it essential to take hold of something someone reminded us of in church this morning. Jenny stood at the front of the building and said that she has come to understand, through her many years of sorrow and struggle in different ways to mine, that our sufferings are there for a reason. 'They are', she said, 'allowed by God so as to make us more Christ-like'. Now I wish that God had other ways to make more Christ-like - in fact I'll bet Jesus Himself would have preferred other methods to that when he heaved the cross to his shoulder that first Easter, but he knew I needed him so he went to an unimaginable place of pain for me (and for you).

Jenny was right.  The bible actually says so. There may be many other reasons why we battle, some our own fault and some the fault of others, but God has not finished with us yet and we need to trust him even when we cannot trace his ways.

Meanwhile I'll just be grateful for a few days off and pray it lasts a long long time!

Are You Driven or Being Led?

When our son was small he used to get so excited whenever the cartoon programme Road Runner was on TV. I must confess that I loved it too - all that mad dashing around by the tragic character of Coyote (left) who was constantly trying to figure out ways to entrap and possibly cook and eat the serene escapee Road Runner with his familiar call 'Beep Beep!' The shows were produced by Warner Brothers between 1948 and 1960 but were then carried by TV stations for years afterwards both in the UK and the US. Poor old Coyote used to get so upset and even poured out great drops of sweat as he laboured on his latest idea usually assisted by props made by some company called ACME, but he always failed and usually got killed in the attempt - only to rise again miraculously to have another go next week!

Meanwhile the frustratingly smug road runner appeared to sail effortlessly through life chanting his call and overcoming every scheme of the wicked one! As I reflect on my life I can identify so much more with the scheming, worrying, driven Coyote than I can with the untroubled bird that floated over all of life's obstructions.  Most of my days - and nights - have been consumed with working out new strategies to succeed in my mission, whatever it has been at different times. Sometimes it has been to lead a struggling church into growth, or to serve a large and busy fellowship as it's senior leader.  At other times the struggle has been to learn a new language and fit into a new culture so as to serve alongside a national group of churches overseas.  And still other challenges have had to with fighting pain and discouragement, like now, in my long war with serious ill health. But in every situation I have had to learn to be led and not driven.  Being led by the Spirit of God is what children of God are supposed to experience (Romans 8:14) and not being driven by inner needs or the expectations of others.

Coyote never found the key to being led and was driven to despair. I want to be led by the sweet Spirit of God, not driven by ambition, the needs of my body or selfish desires, or the demands of others around me. 'Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, for there are many enemies'.

Surprised by Pain

Dr Paul Brand and well-known author Philip Yancey wrote a book some years ago called Pain – The Gift Nobody Wants (London: Marshall Pickering, 1997). In it they suggest that pain is a very important gift from our creator and is vital to staying alive! They recognised the part that pain plays in our early training - teaching us the boundaries of safety and survival. They also found that the absence of the ability to feel pain is at the root of some of mankind's worst diseases - leprosy for instance. Their theory was that the lack of pain transmitting nerves in the extremities of sufferers leads to them being burned and disfigured by the absence of the warning stimuli that otherwise would protect them.

I can see their point, and in pain-free times I even agree with them, but pain has the power to throw a fuse in our rational mind and black-out the ability to appreciate the finer points in the work of creation.  Last weekend pain did that for me. Again.

The pain of pancreatitis is one of the worst known to man. It is not really understood why this should be, but the proximity of the pancreas to bunches of pain-carrying nerves seems to be involved. Pancreatic pain cuts through you like a sabre heated to glowing red in the campfire of your worst enemy. There was another man with this condition admitted to hospital the same time as I was.  He was in a side room and I was on the main ward, but I heard him retching and screaming like a woman in labour as he begged for relief. When this happens to me the wonderful spinal neuro stimulator that I had fitted to deal with the pain of chronic pancreatitis gets overwhelmed by the awesome surge of acute agony, and once again relief has to come from various forms of morphine and rest. I suppose my greater sorrow was at finding myself in this condition again after recent treatment had given me hope of a much longer period free from acute attacks - but that does not seem to be in the plan for me!

If intelligent design means anything, it surely means that pain is not meaningless. So I'm back to trying to thank God for the gift nobody wants and asking for the grace to cope with its consequences. And this I am glad about - the one who made me can mend me, and knows every nerve and sinew in my body. After all, Psalm 139 says that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that includes my pain-carrying nervous system!

Making a New Start!

I love New Year! It's a great opportunity every year to draw a line under all that is past and start again. For me, 2013 has been a very difficult year marked by pain, the loss of dear friends, disappointment in others, family sadness at watching our only grandchild struggle her way through the challenging early months of her life, and the uphill task of trying to walk the journey of faith in a hostile culture. Yet, New Year brings with it a burst of hope, optimism and cheer that heartens me greatly and causes me to thank God that he is the God who describes himself with the words 'behold I am making all things new!'.

Far more significant than the date on the calendar, though, is the assurance within that God is still in charge - not man, not the doctors, nor the politicians and thankfully not me! He has not vacated the throne of the universe as so many want us to believe, but instead is working out his sovereign purposes for his glory and our eternal good. Romans 8:28 is still in my bible - "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)

During the Christmas period I have been encouraged by the writing of Ian Coffey whom I look forward to welcoming to Guernsey and to Eldad Church in January.  In his book Shock and Awe (BRF, Abingdon, 2009) he quotes a prayer for today: "God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, whose years never fail and whose mercies are new each returning day: let the radiance of your Spirit renew our lives, warming our hearts and giving light to our minds: that we may pass the coming year in joyful obedience and firm faith; through him who is the beginning and the end, your Son Christ our Lord. Amen"

As we enter the busy Christmas season it can be hard to keep our focus on the central facts of Christ's coming but we need to do so to avoid being swept up in trivia. Perhaps the passing of Nelson Mandela at this time of the year has helped to give pause to the annual headlong rush to accumulate trinkets and spend shed-loads of money, but only just. His noble legacy of grace, diplomacy and the victory of forgiveness over resentment have all merited airtime recently and may just serve to bring a dash of sanity to this recurring manic phase of capitalist splurging on non-essentials. At least I hope so.

I really am doing my best to avoid the 'humbug' scowl of the Charles Dickens character Scrooge because I simply don't feel like that. I can still remember my first Christmas as a Christian, savouring the wonder of Christ's coming to save the likes of me! I also love the fact that here in the West we get a festival of lights and feasting in our dark mid-winter, but I hope for better things than many people seem to experience at this time.  Is it too much to want real peace and joy instead of debt and domestic conflict? I don't think so and yet for too many homes the bills piling up will only add pressure to the tinder keg of strained relationships.  Sadly the experience of counselling organisations in the aftermath of Christmas each year testifies to this.

So how can we make a difference this Christmas? There have been lots of sensible tips given by folk as far apart as the Archbishop of Canterbury and various television budget advisers, but I want to say let's try to get behind the hype and discover the real Jesus this year. Let's take time to listen to the words of the traditional carols, like 'O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel' and 'be born in us today'. The real Jesus impacted our world far more powerfully than Nelson Mandela did, setting people free, not just from racism or political injustice, but from the chains that bind us within.  After all, racism and hatred are symptoms of a much deeper problem that requires a more radical solution than free and fair elections. Only a change of heart will do - and that's what I pray for you this Christmas.

Keeping it All Together!

I have been described as 'the man with the interesting abdomen' by the team at the pancreatic/biliary unit in University College London Hospital.  'Interesting' may be their viewpoint, but 'pesky' 'problematic' or downright 'painful' would be mine! When they went poking around in my pancreatic duct just a few days ago they revealed the presence of a large quantity of sludge bunging up the works.  Yuck! Sounds like my garden drains at this time of the year.  The problem is that when that particular duct is blocked with sludge or even leaves, it causes a back-wash of pancreatic enzymes - the things that dissolve meat when sent normally into your gut - which then start devouring your insides causing massive blood loss and infection - acute pancreatitis! In certain circumstances this can be fatal. My own brush with near-death encounters etc is set out in the book Braving the Storm - still available from Amazon and other booksellers. So, for me, the interesting abdomen is a huge challenge.

As I face the prospect of going back into UCLH in just over a week's time for them to have a second go at clearing the duct I find that my biggest enemy is not pain, or nausea, or even fever etc, but fear.  The fear of going back into something I have experienced before and was the worst time of my life (and my family's) takes the biscuit in the line up of enemies - including sludge - who seem to be conspiring against me at this time. So, I had a chat with myself (and Diane) about this and we started encouraging one another with fear unblocking Bible promises. These scriptures are helping us to get through, keeping it all together, and I offer them to you as an encouragement whatever kind of sludge may be affecting your life - or even your abdomen!

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Deuteronomy 20:3b,4 Do not be faint-hearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before [your enemies], for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

1 Chronicles 28:20  Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you ...

Isaiah 43:1,2 But now, this is what the LORD says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.’

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 118:6  The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Proverbs 29:25  Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

Hebrews 13:5,6 …because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’

Aid not Cruise Missiles Please!

The pictures from Syria could hardly be more horrifying. The official death toll of 100,000 is almost certainly under-estimated and the terrors of chemical warfare have rightly outraged the West, though sadly, not the whole world. Yet - is it going to help the situation to hurl cruise missiles into the mix? If the cost involved in doing so were to be diverted to humanitarian aid alone, then a small dent in human suffering may be won, but the missiles alone cannot hope to do anymore than add to the sum total of misery.

President Obama may also be missing one important piece of the jigsaw. Not only could the action he proposes cause mayhem in the whole region and bring great danger to already unstable areas like Lebanon and Jordan, both almost overwhelmed already by the existing refugee crisis, it could sign the death warrants of thousands of Christian believers in Syria. In Maloula for instance - 10 miles outside Damascus - is one of the oldest Christian towns in the world, where the Christians speak the ancient language of Jesus and the disciples. Now, the town has fallen into a violent back-and-forth as government forces have battled to regain control from the al-Qa’ida-linked Jabhat al-Nusra rebels, who first overran government roadblocks and entered the town last Wednesday. During the occupation by rebel forces Christians were reportedly told to convert to Islam or face beheading. Churches have been attacked and looted and now bodies lie in the streets. Fanatical Islamic fighters from outside Syria have joined extremist nationals to eradicate Christianity from this area. And all the while, the rebels wait for Christian America to start lobbing in their missiles in support of their cause!

I am not a politically minded person, but I find it hard to see how the actions the West has already taken in the Middle East have led to peace and democracy in Iraq, Libya, Egypt (where the West supported the original so-called Arab Spring) and Syria. I accept that Mosul is not Reigate and the kind of democracy which will work there will be very different to leafy Surrey, but throughout those areas, Christians are being persecuted, killed and forced out.  Ethnic cleansing may be the outcome if the US does not enter the Syrian war, but it is already going on and will be bolstered by them if they do.

 'I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness'. (1 Timothy 2:1).  So let's pray for the US Congress now that they may receive wisdom and exercise restraint in this complicated area.

Dealing with the Big 'D' - Disappointment

I woke at 4am on the 17th July 2013 and knew that I was in deep trouble. It had been 3 years since I had last felt like that but there was no mistaking the symptoms. Acute pancreatitis was back with a vengeance. Later that day, in hospital again for the 62nd time, I reflected on what had just happened.  Like a hurricane blasting through a well-kept suburban garden, the flimsy construct of my newly healthy image of myself lay in shreds. To call my feelings 'disappointment' is like asking 'is the Pope Catholic?' but when pain cleared enough for me to think rationally that's how I felt - disappointed.

Ironically, during the last year I have been asked twice to teach a seminar entitled 'Dealing with Disappointment' at Christian conferences. At both of them, Elim Bible Week 2013 and a New Wine regional conference, both my wife and I and even the organisers were surprised at the number of folk who attended. It goes against the grain of Pentecostal and Charismatic conferences to even address the issues surrounding disappointment and very few organisers are brave enough to put this kind of title into their line-up. But the people who came spoke warmly of the help they had found through our teaching. Now, in the painful aftermath of the last few weeks, I am having to relearn the principles and choose each day to keep trusting God and not analysing my pile of rubble too closely. After all, God has not changed and His calling on my life is just as clear and certain, so I need to focus on that and not on my sense of loss, confusion or fear.

Today a dear friend has sent me a link to a new version of the old worship song Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. I have found real comfort and encouragement in this great piece of music and found my heart warmed by its honesty and hopefulness. I love the second verse that says:
Oh frozen hope, oh broken dreams
Just like a boat tossed on the raging seas
You will walk on waves again
When you have set your gaze on Him...

So, I suppose I'm really saying - if like me you have woken recently to a real setback or disappointment - don't abandon your hope in God.  In fact, fix your eyes even more closely than ever on His love for you and His amazing plan for your life. After all, He is the God of the second chance - and the third and the fourth and the fifth...! Let's turn our eyes away from the situation to focus on the Christ who walked on the stormy waters that threatened to drown the disciples. And that's a choice really. Today I choose to trust Him and though my body or my circumstances do dismay, He is not a disappointment.

Hot Book Launch!

Wow! What heat we experienced in Cardiff, the capital of Wales, last weekend.  30 degrees plus may not be as high as some places but for Britain that is hot hot hot! We were there for the book launch of this amazing project - Storming Home: the biography of Billy Gilvear, soldier, bodyguard to the stars, brawler, boozer and addict - now serving God in an amazing ministry called Eden in Manchester, and a real trophy of God's amazing grace. As his biographer and co-author I went with Billy to South Wales to launch the book because it was there that he found God - or rather that the Father of the story called The Prodigal Son in the Bible found Billy!

I also have a bit of history in South Wales having been the Senior Pastor at The City Temple in the centre of Cardiff during the mid 1990's and so I went along to introduce him and the book project.  Preaching at both the Sunday morning services to huge numbers of people packed into a stifling building with few windows and no air conditioning was quite a challenge! I was thrilled to see a large of people respond to the preaching and make serious steps forward in their desire to know Christ and follow Him.  Billy told his story in the evening service and hundreds of folk laughed, cheered and praised God as they heard the wonders of what has taken place.

So - the book is out - and you can obtain a copy here or if you are in Guernsey get in touch with me as I have a supply of them and in the Manchester area you can contact Billy at Eden.  But you will find this book thrilling and a real page-turner, and it really is one you will want to buy as a gift for friends.

Summer at Last!

 You have got to admit it's getting warmer when the road signs are melting eh?

 And these cats know what's good for them on a hot summer's day!

This little chap has just about had enough of all this heat! 

But these cheeky seagulls take the biscuit! 

At last summer has come to the Channel Isles and with it a bit of warmth, but don't blink - sea mist is already rolling in!

Leadership Sandals for Sale

Today in Shropshire in the UK a remarkable item was auctioned. A pair of well-worn flip-flops went up for sale. They used to belong to the much respected Mahatma Gandhi  a well known leader in Indian history, and he famously walked everywhere in them.  Loincloth, wooden staff and flip-flops. . they made up the image of a simple man who shunned material things, so he would be amazed to hear that his worn-out old sandals actually fetched £19,000 today!

But Gandhi did not invent humble leadership.  Centuries before him Jesus Christ set an example of servant leadership that has inspired millions and still does.  If there was such a thing as a museum of leadership artefacts we might find quite an amazing array of items preserved there.  Probably a swagger stick from some military leader or a handbag from Mrs Thatcher.  Perhaps the 21st Century section would feature a laptop computer, a tablet device or a mobile phone.  But somewhere in that collection would be a towel and a wash-bowl, because the greatest leader of all time used them to wash His disciples' feet. In John 13 Jesus stooped to do the most menial task of all at that time - to wash the feet of his dinner guests.  This was normally the task of the lowest slave and so none of the disciples would perform it.  The Lord Jesus Christ, the maker of heaven and earth, did it for them, draped in a towel and carrying a bowl.

Servant leadership does not have to shout and rant.  People follow servant leaders because they know they care.  Sandals or laptops - I wonder what artefacts would symbolise your leadership style today?

Examine the Evidence

A bunch of guys who sing together and call themselves 'The Evidence' are heading our way this weekend!  Each of them has graduated from the discipleship training programme run by Teen Challenge UK. They have also had their lives dramatically turned around from self-destructive behaviour caused by addictions to drugs and alcohol. Now they are evidence of God's amazing grace and the life-changing power of the gospel - the good news of new life in Christ.

I live in an affluent, well-groomed community where you might imagine that there is hardly anything like drug addiction going on. Yet our island prison population, small as it may be by overseas standards, is mainly made of people serving time for drug related offences. The streets around our church building are known by the authorities to house multiple drug and alcohol related issues. We have been placed at the heart of this community with the community at our heart. Only the life-changing power of God can make the difference.

So we are going to take a look at the evidence and see what we think. They may be visitors to our island but they are not strangers to our problems. Their stories may well turn out to be a message of hope and life-change for many.  At least I hope so.

A Ragamuffin Goes Home

The author of one of my favourite books The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning, has died this week in the USA. The sub-title of one of the latest versions of this bestseller is: 'Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out.' I first read the book when passing through a time of deep trial, when I thought that my life would soon be over and felt that it had not counted for much. Brennan had also trodden some pretty dark pathways in his life of faith and service and although we came from very different parts of the Christian family, I found his reflections so helpful.  I have lent out my copy so many times that I have lost it now, but will buy another one so that I can give it to other fellow strugglers with the storms of life.

Later on, I read his book 'The Furious Longing of God' describing how much God wants His children to realise the amazing power of His unconditional love for them. In it he writes: 'If you took the love of all the best mothers and fathers who have lived in the course of human history, all their goodness, kindness, patience, fidelity (faithfulness), wisdom, tenderness and strength and united all those qualities in a single person, that person's love would only be a faint shadow of the furious love and mercy in the heart of God the Father addressed to you and me at this moment'. Wow - I need that - and I have been comforted by the reassurances his writings give on many occasions.

Thank you Brennan.  Well done, good and faithful servant - enter into the joy of your Lord and mine!

To Choose or not to Choose...

There are so many choices we make every day.  We choose our hairstyle, the clothes we will wear, the food we will eat, even the people we talk with. On the first Good Friday the Roman governor in Judea also had to make a choice - whether to condemn Jesus Christ to be crucified or to let him go.  He listened to the chanting of crowd and was afraid.  His wife came and warned him not to go ahead with putting 'this innocent man' to death after she had suffered all night with a dream about him. So, poor old Pontius Pilate was in a real dilemma.  He turned to the crowd and asked their opionion.  'What shall I do then with Jesus who is called Christ?' he yelled.

'Crucify him!' bayed the mob, leaving Pilate perplexed.  'Why?  What has he done wrong?' he pleaded.  But the people were being egged on by jealous leaders who hated Christ. 'Crucify him!' was their only cry.

In an attempt to free himself from guilt, Pilate took a bowl of water and washed his hands publicly, declaring 'I am innocent of the blood of this just man - you see to it' before handing Jesus over to be crucified.  Like Lady Macbeth in Shakespeare's famous play, no amount of water could wash away his sense of guilt, or make him innocent of the blood of Jesus.  Also like her, he probably went on to commit suicide years later.

Choices.  Whether to go with the crowd or strike out with the minority and follow Jesus as Saviour and Lord.  This Easter, what are you going to do with Jesus who is called Christ?

To Cross or not to Cross?

I suppose that one of the most iconic items produced in historically Christian countries in celebration of Easter is the traditional hot cross bun. Very early on Good Friday morning in our island community there will be a long queue at the door of a small independent bakers to collect their freshly made buns.

Tradition says that early Greek Christians marked cakes with a cross, but of course, the Bible does not say anything about followers of Jesus Christ needing confectionery to aid their faith or express their worship! In less enlightened times people began using these hot cross buns as a kind of good luck token, claiming that if a ship sailed with them on board it would be protected against shipwreck and other such phoney baloney.

So don't get me wrong - I am not an advocate for the hot cross bun - but my blood was stirred to see in our local supermarket that under the 'hot cross bun' display there was a pile without the crosses!! I suppose that this is in an effort to avoid offending religious minorities - political correctness gone religious - but it just kind of illustrated to me a bit of a challenge this Easter.  Is my life marked by the cross the Christ or is it just fruit and flavouring? Is the cross central to the story of my faith or is it disposable when mentioning it might offend someone? The Bible does say that the cross will appear foolish to people who don't want to believe and it also foretold that the cross would one day become an offence to many, not just a religious minority.

So I want to come back to the cross of Christ this Easter, and thank Jesus for giving His all for me there. To cross your buns?  Well- that's up to you - I don't find they taste any different anyway!

'Get Rid of Automated Hand-Washers' Campaign

Right!  That's it! I have had it with automation! Having had my fill of being offered options by computers on telephone lines when all I want is to get on with speaking to a real person - and being forced to listen to endless assurances that my call is important to the organisation - I am resorting to the megaphone!  Like the recent Fish Fight campaign in the UK I am going to start a 'Get Rid of Automated Hand-washers' campaign!

Here's why.  I went into the men's toilet at Bordeaux Harbour in Guernsey yesterday on a bright but very cold day.  Wanting to wash my hands - as you do - (cough cough gentlemen) I went to use the hole-in-the-wall hand washer/dryer which should be re-named 'the East Coast Hand Freezing Soap Chucker' machine! I held my hands out into the hole, waiting like a monk at prayer, only to have soap spurted back at my wrists and up my coat front!  Realising I only had seconds to react and not being the swearing type anyway I rubbed in the tiny remnant quickly and was then drenched from collar to belt by a high-pressure offering of freezing cold water that just wouldn't stop and seemed to have lost all sense of direction!  I yelled in pain and anger which seemed to make the flow relent, and I pondered what I would look like when I stagger out of the door wet all down my front - fellers you know what I mean.

At this point my hands were like two blocks of cold pork being held out for the butcher to chop while I waited longingly for the hot air dryer to kick in.  When it did I nearly kicked it in because the blast it gave me was straight from the freezing tundra in Siberia.  I rubbed the offending pork chops under the frigid blast in the vain hope that they might thaw but no such luck. The icy blast seemed only to have lasted about 2.4 seconds longer than my scream.  Sad as it might seem, all I could think was that I must have been the only customer for a while and so it needed to heat up, so foolishly I kept dangling my pork chop hands in the hole for a few more seconds hoping to get another serving of dryer.  What I got, of course, was a savage squirt of soap over my wrists and down my front!  Searching in vain for a paper towel or handkerchief I headed for the door just in time to see that the hole in the wall had changed shape from being round to a kind of extended grin! Grrrrr!!

BRING BACK PAPER TOWELS!

Dealing with Disappointment

A week after surgery I am feeling much better, though still a little sore.  Thanks for all the messages of support, encouragement and prayer.  It is so good to have had this done without all the problems of previous years rearing their ugly heads! A good friend came to visit me yesterday and brought with him a copy of my first book Braving the Storm.  I could see from his copy that he had several portions highlighted in yellow - I am not sure if that is a good sign or not! We chatted for a while and then he began to question me about some of the things I had written during the early years of my long battle with serious illness and chronic pain. I found it quite moving to see some of the things that I had written back then and to be reminded of them myself!

One of the aspects of the section called 'Things that Hinder' was about disappointment.  It is a subject that I have been thinking about again recently because I am preparing to speak at a seminar called 'Dealing with Disappointment' at Elim Bible Week in the UK in April. I have read the story of the death of the wife of Pastor Wes Richards from cancer in June 2002 at the age of 52 after being prayed for by her huge Charismatic/Pentecostal church during at least one 40 day period of prayer and fasting, and of course, by Wes and his 3 children. You can imagine the sorrow and disappointment that they all faced and yet his book Hope and a Future is full of reality, faith and hope - an unusual mix! I was chastened and humbled by reading it and noticing the absence of a deep debate on why his loss occurred.

I am grateful for my friend's visit and the reminder he brought me of my own need to embrace mystery and allow God to be God in my circumstances without Him having to explain himself and His ways to me! "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts". (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Cut and come Again!

It is never easy to approach the operating theatre again after so many previous visits - 30 to be precise!  There is no more lonely place on this planet than lying on a gurney outside the anesthetics area waiting to be wheeled in to begin the process. It is then that I am so glad I'm a Christian!  I recall the old gospel song 'You gotta walk that lonesome valley, you gotta walk there by yourself, and no one else can go there for you, you gotta walk there by yourself!' Very cheerful eh? Ah well, Friday is the day for the knife for me and I am really not looking forward to it, but it's got to be done.

Surgery is such a savage mercy.  In order to heal and help the surgeon must cut and cause pain.  To save life he or she must shed life's blood. To make well they must first make the patient feel worse! Who would want a job like that?

Yet in some ways this healing work mirrors the same process in the spiritual life too. God must occasionally act as a surgeon in our lives and not simply as 'the Great Physician'. Things that we count precious may have to go.  Relationships that are not helpful may need to be cut. Security that we have come to rely upon may need some re-arranging in order that we can really understand that we can't do this thing called 'life' without Him. Now that's not an easy process to bear, nor a bloodless one as Jesus found out on the cross. But it is an important one if we are to be made whole.

Thankfully, for me, this surgery is not major and is likely to be straightforward, but I will keep my eyes on the benefits ahead and try not to worry too deeply about the journey!! See you soon - I hope!

Love is... taking time to say it!

I came across this piece of writing this week and it reminded me of the times when I have found myself facing major surgery in the past, and even in the desperate situation of being seriously ill and facing my own mortality, realising that the moments we have with our loved ones are so special.  It's a shame that we waste so many opportunities to actually say how we feel. After all, communication is a really important part of keeping love alive through all the negative stuff that life can throw against us. I hope you find this helpful - and challenging too!


"If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I 

would tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to
keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I saw you walk out the
door, I would give you a hug and kiss, and call you back for one
more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in
praise, I would videotape each word, so I could play them back day
after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute
or two to stop and say "I love you", instead of assuming you would
KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your
day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one
slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our "I love you's", and
certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is alii get, I'd like to
say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike. And
today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight ...

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that
you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss, and you
were too busy to grant someone what turned out to be their one
last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, tell
them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them
dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry", "please forgive me", "thank you" or
"it's okay". And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets
about today. 

Does Prayer Change Anything?

Years ago I recall seeing the phrase 'Prayer Changes Things' around the place.  It could be found on bumper stickers, small ornaments and even posters, usually in the homes of Christians.  I must say that over the years I have often asked myself 'What, then, does prayer change?' especially in times when the heavens have seemed as impenetrable as the snow-filled skies that threaten much of Britain just now. Mind you, the need to pray is often at its strongest at times just like that - when storm clouds fill the horizon. So, does prayer actually change anything?

You won't be surprised to hear that I have concluded that it does.  It changes us first of all.  It positions us to receive from God and to start thinking about His perspective on our problems. It causes us to pray as Jesus advised, 'Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as in heaven'. It brings us to a place where we are God-dependent instead of self-reliant, where we own up to the fact that this thing called life is actually beyond us and that we can't do it alone.

But then it also does make a difference in our circumstances.  Prayer moves the hand that moves the world, not because God is impotent unless we pray, but rather that in his power and sovereignty he has chosen that we should get involved in outcomes by our praying.  'Training for reigning' the writer Paul Bilheimer once called it. The Bible teaches that prayer has power to influence nations (2 Chron. 7:14 & 1 Tim. 2:1) so it should not be underestimated. Maybe sometimes we get the leaders and systems we deserve because we have not recognised or obeyed that imperative.

But I think above all prayer changes the spiritual climate around us. It creates an environment where God's Holy Spirit feels welcome and we can receive his loving thoughts towards us. For this reason prayer can be so much more than words.  Like turning over in bed to cuddle the one you love, prayer can be re-positioning ourselves for intimacy with God.  I was holding my little Pomeranian dog in my arms the other day, when she wasn't very well, and she was sitting heavily on me.  At first I was tempted to put her down and hurry off but I sensed her need to draw strength from my warmth and feel my heartbeat. I enjoyed the closeness to her really. As I gently stroked her tiny head and ears I felt God whisper in mine - 'This is what prayer feels like for me!' Wow - if that is true, then prayer is certainly changing my view of prayer - if nothing else!

A New Start

Coastal View of Guernsey

At the start of this new year I am so grateful to God for the year that has just ended and really looking forward with hope too. After 15 years of dreadful pain and repeated hospital admissions, with horrible experiences of life-threatening situations and disappointments too numerous to mention, it is such a relief to say that things are better now.  This time last year I started full-time work again after over 4 years of being unable to function and the time since then has been full of joy and challenges. We have been given a new start and a new opportunity after so many years of struggle. I am thankful for the love of family and friends and the prayers of so many.  Life has certainly taken on a new dimension for me, in that every day seems so precious and each moment a gift from heaven.

I do feel very keenly for those who still struggle with the kind of pain and difficulties I have known and much worse besides.  'Survivor guilt' is a phrase you might have heard and it describes the feelings of those who have come through dreadful circumstances where others have not and it can be a part of what is now known as post-traumatic stress syndrome.  Well, maybe I don't go that far, but I do feel a deep sense of compassion for my fellow travelers on the pathway of pain and hope that my books and preaching may in some small way contribute to helping them.

May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him; and may you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).  Happy New Year!

While Shepherds Watched...

'While shepherds watched their flocks by night...' - a familiar line from an even more familiar carol - puts me in mind of my visits to the Shepherds' Fields just outside Bethlehem.  There the tat and tinsel of typical Christmas scenes faded as we stepped out of the coach to gaze across the barren hillside towards the outline of the little town of Bethlehem. There was just a cave nearby and a few straggly sheep to mark the scene but it was possible there to imagine that first Christmas night.

As a shepherd myself - for that is what the word 'Pastor' means - I am glad that God chose to send the angels to a group of middle-Eastern shepherds then.  Like pastors today, shepherds in Israel did not hold a high place in society.  They were not really respected or trusted in the wider community and practiced their profession largely away from the crowd. Yet they performed a vital role and especially so in the Christmas story.  For it is likely that these shepherds were looking after the sacrificial flocks for the Temple in Jerusalem. They were preparing lambs for the slaughter. And that is the real reason why God's Son was coming into the world, as over the manger hung the shadow of a cross. "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord".

I took this photo of a shepherd in Israel in Dec 2011

Diane and I wish you a very happy Christmas.  May God bless you and your family this special season and beyond.

Christmas Tragedies

Christmas is often marred by tragedy.  Just as in the tragic community in Connecticut where terrible shootings have taken place, Christmas decorations seem out of place when such a thing has occurred. I well remember the Penlee lifeboat disaster that occurred on the 19th of December 1981 off the coast of Cornwall, in England, UK. The Penlee Lifeboat went to the aid of the coaster Union Star after its engines failed in heavy seas. After the lifeboat had managed to rescue four people both vessels were lost with all hands; sixteen people died including eight volunteer lifeboatmen. Like the parents of the children shot down in their Newtown primary class, the families of these brave men must have felt like cancelling Christmas that year.

The rosy-eyed nostalgia with which we recall this season in the year has no real basis in Scripture.  The first Noel sounded out in a land occupied by enemy soldiers where blood flowed freely in the streets.  Political discussion was outlawed then and dissent was suppressed violently.  To cap it all, when the visitors from the East had reported their venture to King Herod and then tricked him by going home some other way, the outraged monarch ordered that every baby boy under the age of two be murdered in the vicinity of Bethlehem.  The sobs of the parents and cries of the young must have been very similar to those in Newtown USA in 2012.

No, Christmas is not always merry or bright.  But it is God's response to a broken world.  Into the very midst of evil and suffering he sent his son, so that we would able to come to him in our pain and find one who is 'touched with the feelings of our infirmities'.  Jesus came to a manger not a throne or a palace.  He came to a tragic scene not a Christmas card montage.  He came to save and heal, not to entertain or institute an annual festival.  Above all, he came because he cares - and the dear folk in Newtown are going to need that care as much as anyone in First Century Galilee.  So are we.

Advent or Madvent - take your pick!

Advent or Madvent - which is it for you? 

• Advent is that special season of the year when we prepare our hearts to celebrate the coming of Christ as a child in Bethlehem two thousand years ago.  
• Madvent is the period before December the 25th when the western world seems to go crazy!  Grown men sport Father Christmas pixie hats and otherwise mature women don antlers.  Children bay like banshees to be given the latest gadget and then act like hyped up bees whose hive has just been disturbed.  The office party causes adults to say and do things which often embarrass them afterwards and personal debt hits previously unseen peaks of snow-covered credit.  And all in the name of Christmas!  Now, I am not being like Scrooge about this - though I doubt if I'll be persuaded to wear antlers myself - but I just pray that our choice will be clear and simple.  As for me and my house - we are going to celebrate Advent, and leave Madvent to others!  

Walking by Faith

As you can imagine from this photo we are really besotted with our tiny Pomeranian dog - Paprika! She weighs only 2kg but has a much bigger personality than that. In fact she seems quite convinced that she is in charge of our home and that anyone entering it should obtain her permission first!  That can cause just a little stress to folk visiting the Pastor. Paprika is 11 now and in doggy years that makes her well up in her seventies in human equivalent years, so she is an old lady (only don't you dare say that within her earshot).

Recently this adorable little friend suffered a slipped disc in her neck - the week after I cancelled her pet insurance because the premium was becoming too high!  When I asked the vet how long we might have to keep bringing her back for injections she mumbled something about it being until her extension is paid off! Seriously though, the really sad part about this is to see our dear dog struggling to walk and even stand.  The messages are just not getting through to her legs from her head. She has good days and bad days but when things are really poor we have to hold her up to eat and do other necessary things.

We don't know how this will go but are resigned to the fact that we won't have our darling doggy much longer, as Pomeranians don't usually live as long as some breeds anyway. I have thought a lot about her condition and I feel there is a lesson for me in her dilemma.  The Bible teaches that Christ is our head - the head of the body which is his church (1 Corinthians 12) and that we need to be in clear contact with him if we are to be able to walk the path of faith in this life.  Thankfully when we do struggle and fall heavenly hands are there to lift us and hold us up, but God's best for us is to hear the commands of Christ clearly and follow them.  In this, then, as in nature, we walk by good communication with the head.

And I'm still praying that Paprika will improve too.  After all, if it matters to me then it matters to God!

Truth is the First Casualty

The world is watching Israel once again as rockets fly from Gaza to be answered by Israeli jets and drones. Israel's Iron Dome defence system seems to be successful in taking out quite a few missiles but obviously not enough to make their military effort unnecessary. People are suffering on both sides, and it is always the children who seem to suffer most, both by losing much loved parents and homes but also because they are so often the collateral damage themselves.

The first casualty of war is said to be truth. The Bible book of Psalms laments that 'truth is fallen in the streets'. Here in Britain we are watching representatives of both sides of this conflict presenting their version of the truth in the media with equal conviction. For many it will be difficult, if not impossible, to get to the bottom of what is really going on.

As a Christian I am not surprised that the Middle East is once again a flashpoint that could usher in a major international crisis. Old Testament prophecy can sometimes read like tomorrow's newspaper and it certainly foretells the fact that in the last days Israel will be a political hot potato and a centre of unrest. As we pray for peace and reconciliation let's also take heed of the signs of the times. And for a clearer perspective maybe we should open our Bibles and hold them beside the tv screen. At least there would be some chance that truth might get a look-in.

Cows Need Bananas!

There is growing concern about the content of the diet that will be consumed by our Guernsey cows this winter. According to a local farmer speaking in a recent radio interview, the bad weather this spring and summer has damaged the crop that is normally put away to feed the island’s cattle during the winter months. He explained that when a cow is giving milk she is using up the equivalent energy to that used by a human being running a marathon each day! He went on to say that such a runner would expect to eat bananas and could not keep going if their only rations consisted of lettuce. That is what we will be doing to our cows this year, he warned. For this reason they will need expensive supplementary artificial foodstuff.

Bananas not lettuce! That got me thinking. An active life demands a good solid diet. The right kind of nutrition is the key to success in work and sport. Our ancestors knew a thing or two about that. No good Guernsey tomato grower would have wanted to work all day in the hot greenhouses on a lettuce leaf. A decent meal was a must and junk food was pretty much unknown.

The life of faith is a marathon and not a sprint. It requires good nutrition for us to be able to persevere through uphill conditions. Adversity, suffering, discouragements and disappointments all slow the spiritual athlete down. If cows need bananas or their equivalent in the bovine world, believers need a good diet. We should beware the lettuce leaves offered in some parts of the media with their soap opera world view and depressingly superficial game shows. Mutual encouragement, kind words, prayer and worship are all powerful, energy producing soul foods. But nothing compares to the bread of life itself, the Word of God, as a source of nourishment that will sustain us over the long haul. Even better than bananas!

A Falling Star

To my generation Jimmy Saville was a legend. His wild and wacky ways endeared him to British youth throughout the latter years of the 20th Century. His charity work elevated him to the ranks of almost sainthood in the minds of folk of all ages.  His funeral procession was watched by thousands following a prolonged lying-in-state during which many more had filed past is outlandish coffin. He was a national treasure.

Now, in the space of a couple of weeks, Saville's star has crashed.  Scores of women are coming forward to accuse him of sexual offences against them in the past.  There are allegations of child abuse, indecent assaults and even rape.  Five police forces are investigating his conduct posthumously and today the Head of the BBC described what is alleged to have gone on at BBC Centre in London as a 'cesspit'.

I am amazed that despite being investigated at the time by police in more than one area, he was never actually charged.  Perhaps if he had been, the aura around him would have been dispersed and other victims might have had the courage to speak out.  As it was, the social climate of that day was not prepared to believe the word of young people against that of a star like Saville.  They simply said there was no evidence, when what they meant was that there was only the evidence of the complainant, which today, thankfully, is finally taken seriously.

What can we learn from this?  Well, we cannot take child protection for granted, even in the presence of celebrity.  And the culture of celebrity itself is in the spotlight.  We need to listen to young people and children when they speak to us of abuse, or their conduct gives rise to suspicion in this area. Yes, there have been micarriages of justice in this regard, but the price paid by victims of the actual abuse means that we cannot disregard a cry for help.  And Jimmy Saville?  Well, perhaps he is finding out the actual weight of a millstone right now.  I bet it's a lot heavier than a knighthood ribbon.